Senior Year

It's hard to believe that I only have one more year of high school.  It's even harder to believe that I almost graduated early and threw away this precious year.  A year seems like such a long time, but I know it's going to fly by. So it's time for me to start asking myself seriously, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The easy answer is a wife and mother. But what about college? What should I do while I'm waiting on a husband?

Asbury University has been my dream school every since I can remember. My parents went there and so did three of my siblings. It was kind of like a second home. I know the campus, I know some people up there, and they have an excellent music program. It was a life changing place for each of my family members and I was eager to experience it. It wasn't till a few months ago that I started having doubts about it. I went to visit last September and it didn't feel like I thought it would.  Granted, I was having a terrible week, but still.  The apathetic and almost resenting attitudes that filled Chapel was discouraging. I've held Asbury in such high regards all my life and I looked forward to being in a place where everyone shared the same passion for Christ as I do. I'm just really scared of getting there and having all my expectations crash around me.

On the other hand, where else would I go? I've been looking at other colleges and possibly studying abroad, but I don't know those places. I know Asbury. Plus, I'm really interested in their Worship Arts major. It's just frustrating how sure you can be about something and then all of a sudden you're full of doubts and concerns. Decisions are just never easy.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

What amazing lyrics....

All I know is that I serve an Almighty God who cares about my decisions and will guide me if I just trust Him !
Blogging is so constructive.  I start out in a tizzy and by the end of it, I realize how ridiculous my worrying is and I'm reminded to just put my trust in God. It's good to be back in the blogging world :)

Math is Beautiful

Yes, you read that correctly. Math is beautiful. Consider the beauty of math acknowledged. ;)

Boom.

Burdened

I am very happy to announce that I have officially finished writing my first song!  It is a piano solo and it is titled “Burdened.”  It is far from perfect, perhaps even missing something, but I am satisfied.  I believe I started writing in back in the summer, but I got frustrated with it and quit.  I’d sit there, staring at the keys, waiting for some light bulb moment, but it wouldn’t come.   My goal in songwriting (a talent I don’t think I possess) is that every note, every sound reflects my heart and that is why I was extremely careful in planning out each note because they all have a purpose. 

I began writing this song with a heavy heart; a burdened heart.  I know that in each burden I bear, God has a purpose… only sometimes, it’s hard to remember that.  I also forget quite regularly that my God is mighty to save.  I am not mighty to save, HE is.  Unbelief is a struggle I face daily (as I’m sure most of us do).  After all, wouldn’t we all be on our knees if we truly believed He was present? In short, anxiety and doubts were getting the best of me that day and this song is the product of that.  Keep that in mind while you listen, but also listen for the hope in it.  Cool points to whoever knows what song the last few notes are ;)

Hope you like it!

If you’re curious, this is the image I had in my mind while writing the song.

Gazing out the window into a rainy night, my tears mirrored by the drops of rain. Filled with doubt and hopelessness, I do the only thing I can do; pray.  Every word spilling out in almost a robotic fashion.  Same prayer, same feelings of resentment…  Why would God have me carry these burdens so heavily and not help me?!  I need His Voice! And then…He speaks.  His Spirit gently guides me into a new way of thinking.  Maybe there is hope.  Can it be? My God is mighty to save…YES.

I return to my quiet prayer. Hope and belief have now taken the place of my resentment.  I am not alone.  He whispers back, “Beloved, I hear you. I will sustain you.” The burden is still present, but it is well with my soul for I believe HE is present.

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you."

- Psalm 55:22

New Year...New Beginnings

There's always something exciting about a new year.  You feel as if you get a fresh start on life.  I've been thinking about my new year's resolution and what needs to change in my life...
I haven't seen other people's resolutions but I assume this is a pretty unoriginal one... but oh well.

• I will no longer be staying up to all hours of the night, I will go to bed between 10 and 12. 
• I will faithfully get up every morning to workout with  my workout partners. And on days, we don't workout, I will go to the Y by myself. 
• I will eat healthier. Small portions, less sweets.
• I will not procrastinate on my homework, putting myself through serious emotional stress and my mom as well. (If you know you me, you will laugh at this one because I've procrastinated my way through this entire semester. I didn't procrastinate as much in my other two years of high school, so that makes me think that things in my personal life have contributed to my lack of motivation and laziness... Anyways, it's going to change.)
• I will take the time, daily, to read and study God's Word, journal, and pray. (The goal is the read the Bible in One Year thing. I've started it like every year for the past 3 years and have yet to finish. I will finish the Bible before I go to college.)
• I will also take time, daily, to work on my music.  (Songs I have yet to finish writing, will be completed and recorded this year. Perhaps, I'll become a "youtube artist" and become famous ;)  
• This isn't really a resolution, but I want to travel this year. I want to go somewhere I've never been. Perhaps during the summer or sometime in the fall.  I just want to go.

Well, this is all I can think of for now.  Basically, I want to live out a GOOD routine.  I know some days aren't going to be perfect...life gets crazy and you can't live out this robotic routine, but I want to get to the point where I want to go to bed early, I want to get up early, I feel weird if don't workout...etc. That way, on a day where I do get to sleep in a little bit, or I do get to relax a little more I feel rewarded instead of lazy. If that makes any sense...

This is it. Time for a new beginning. There is so much hope in those two words.

"Another fresh new year is here... another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and fear, to love and laugh and give! This bright new year is given me to live each day with zest... To daily grow and try to be my highest and my best! I have the opportunity once more to right some wrongs, to pray for peace, to plant a tree, and sing more joyful songs!"

I have the opportunity and I'm taking it. I hope you do too. Happy New Year :)

The Season of Hope

Light of the world, Emmanuel. The Word of God has come to dwell.  Our only hope is in a child. Let God and sinners now be reconciled.

Glory, glory! We have our Savior! Glory, glory to our God! Peace on earth is born in a manger for love has come to us.  We have our Savior!

Joy to the earth! This newborn King has come to bear our sufferings; to break the curse that binds us here. The hope of our salvation drawing near!

The lame will walk! The blind will see! The captive heart will be set free! A Child has come to change the world forever! No more will sin or sorrow reign; A King has come to save the day! 

A light has dawned and darkness is over!

Glory, glory! We have our Savior! Glory, glory to our God! Peace on earth is born in a manger for love has come to us.  

We have our Savior!

This is a season of hope.  Treasure it.  Celebrate it.  Embrace it. 

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! :)

Symbols

What if the reflection in this photo is a symbol created by God to tell us that it is possible to reach what seems unreachable. 

Think about it.  The sun is sometimes seen as a symbol for the Son, Jesus Christ, right (sun/Son)? And in this picture, the sun is reflected in the water on the sand; on the ground where it is easily attainable.  Granted, it is a reflection so there's not really anything to "attain", but bear with me.  One of the most unique qualities about Christianity is that God humbled Himself.  He sent His Son (a part of Him) to earth to walk among us and ultimately to die on the cross for our sins.  What if God purposely created reflections like this to remind us that Jesus, the Son, came down to earth?  Jesus is the mediator between us and God.  Through Him we can have a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven.  How can you ignore the intimacy and power of this story?  So, this may have or may not have made sense, but I'm just thinking out loud so sorry, if I was confusing. This picture reminds me that God is not just far away up in Heaven looking down on me, but that He is with me, He walks with me,  and He is among all of us.

So that's my story and I'm sticking with it :) I like thinking symbolically.  It creates an entirely different world.  And as my Dad would say, we are meant to be a symbolized people.  Instead of apathetically viewing the world as its surface image, we should be uncovering God's purpose in all of His creation.  You never know what God might be trying to tell you through His creation even if by a mere reflection.

Hope you all have a restful Sunday!

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." - John 1:14

Hymns, Substance, Authenticity

Troubles almost ’whelm the soul; Griefs like billows o’er me roll; Tempters seek to lure astray; Storms obscure the light of day: But in Christ I can be bold, I've an anchor that shall hold.

My Dad brought up the word, "substance" in Sunday School the other day and asked the question: "What if the church is not producing the substance people are looking for?" (Something like that). Anyways, my mind automatically goes to music. For me, I would much rather be singing words like that ^ than singing the words "How great is our God" 50 billion times.  There are some wonderful contemporary Christian songs, but the substance of a hymn gives off a more realness to me.  I was disappointed to hear that Asbury doesn't sing hymns anymore (it used to be all they sang) and I can't help but compare my last two visits to Asbury.  Back when one of my siblings was graduating, we sang Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone. Everyone in Hughes was singing at the top of their lungs, harmonizing whether they knew how to or not and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  It was so real.  And last time I went, I missed that fullness, that authenticity.  The obvious difference is of course, at the graduating ceremony, a lot of the people there were alumni. So I'm curious as to whether that generation of Asburians know how to worship because they were surrounded by songs of substance whereas this generation may be lacking that substance and therefore not as excited to worship, maybe?  I don't know.  I just know that for me personally, my readiness to worship comes more naturally when I'm singing a hymn. 

Dark the stain that soiled man’s nature; long the distance that he fell; far removed from hope and heaven into deep despair and hell.  But there was a fountain opened, and the blood of God’s own Son, purifies the soul and reaches deeper than the stain has gone.

So those are just my musings for the day.  I still love contemporary christian music. I still love Asbury. I just wonder if we are ignorantly believing that this generation wants to hear the new stuff, when in fact they might be looking for more substance. If they are, shouldn't we give it to them?