No Tongue Can Bid Me Thence Depart

I'd like to tell a story. It begins with a confession.  Simply put, 

I was mad at God. 

I went to WHAM (Worship Him at Midnight) one Friday night and I decided to spend most of the time writing in my journal and praying.  I had been feeling distant from God for quite sometime and I wasn't sure why.  I could feel something separating us, but I honestly had no idea what that "thing" was.  So, I was crying out to God, asking Him to show me, so I could get rid of it.  I desperately wanted to be "wholly Thine".  But He was quiet. I felt like I was crying out to an apathetic, silent God and I got really frustrated.  For the next few days, I feigned indifference, but I couldn't deny the weight of guilt that laid so heavily upon my shoulders.  A good friend of mine asked me to a prayer group.  He was so persistent, so I consented, despite my less than eager attitude.  I mocked myself because I felt like a ridiculously dramatic, snobby teenager who was mad at her Dad and decided to "punish" him by giving him the silent treatment ("You won't talk to me? Well, I didn't want to talk to you anyways. Take that!").  I knew how ridiculous I was being, but I didn't care.  I trudged all the way to Pastor Tim's (the prayer group) and once I got there, I spent most of the time journaling my frustrations, as I did at WHAM.  I had heard good, but weird things about Pastor Tim's so I was somewhat skeptical walking into it.  This guy who they call Pastor Tim prayed over everyone there, including myself. He asked me my name and then prayed for me and said things that seemed a little specific for him to just make up.  It was pretty strange and I wasn't sure what to think of it all.  He prayed mostly in "thank-you's":

• Thank you that Emily doesn't just want to know about you, she wants to know you personally.
• Thank you for the healing prayer ministry that she will one day lead.
• Thank you that you will speak to her through dreams and visions.
• Help her to not be so hard on herself.
• Thank you that she is a compassionate listener who wants to reach out to the broken.
• Thank you that her days of self-doubt are over.

There was more, but that was all that I remembered as I frantically wrote it all down when he finished. I was taken aback by the directness of his prayer and rather confused. The next day, I was still mulling things over, but I had sort of come to the conclusion that self-doubt was the problem.  That afternoon, I began playing and singing different praise songs in the practice room, a habit from last semester that I hadn't picked back up. When I sang Before the Throne of God Above by Selah, the words penetrated me (despite the number of times I had previously sung them) and my eyes were opened to the beautiful salvation of God.  He was speaking again and I was filled with joy. That night, I went to set up for a recital in Hughes, expecting there to be rehearsals going on, but there wasn't a single person in there.  I've always recognized that Hughes is a sacred place, but when I walked in there, I was overwhelmed by God's presence.  I sat in the balcony and just sat with the Lord until people showed up. It was glorious. The sun (Son) was pouring into the windows and was warming my soul.  The next morning, I went to chapel and I actually got there early, so I had time to sit and prepare for corporate worship.  The first song we sang was Before the Throne of God Above.  I couldn't stop smiling because God was so obviously speaking to me. He was assuring me of my salvation. I closed my eyes and worshiped Him and saw Him smiling down at me.  He was pouring His love into me and I have never felt so FULL in my life.  The rest of the music was perfect and the chapel speaker boldly preached the Gospel (which was very refreshing).  The rest of the day, I just wanted to run around telling everyone how GREAT God is and how DEEP His love is for us.  Later, I went into Hughes when it was empty again and I sat in the balcony singing hymns.  I'm so thankful for an intimate God.  He is not apathetic or distant, but He is with us. That's basically the end of my story, but I could literally go on for hours praising His name.

I started writing this post a few weeks ago on spring break, but then college happened again, so this post is a little dated.  Since then God has been showering blessing after blessing on me through new friendships and existing ones, an answered prayer--my amazing TAG partner, Leslie--, deep conversations, an uncontainable joy, true worship, and His love. The amount of times I've felt like the happiest person alive recently is pretty amazing. 

To conclude, here are the lyrics to Before the Throne of God Above. 

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Whoever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I am

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

Amen. Amen. Amen. I hope you understand the magnitude of His sacrifice and the depth of His love. :) "I've tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone." And now,

No tongue can bid me thence depart

My love to all,

Emily 

Twenty-Fourteen

FOUR WORDS, FOUR CALLINGS: 

Intention * Love * Altruism * Contentment

As I approach my second semester of college, I am a bit overwhelmed.  I have a full course load (17 credit hours, 10 classes), training for a new job, a spiritual life and a social life to maintain, and 13 hours per week in the practice room. It's just dawning on me now how hard this semester is going to be and I know it will be even harder if I don't stay determined and intentional every second.  I didn't make a list of resolutions like I did last year...mostly because I didn't complete half of them! But I feel like God has placed these four words on my heart as a calling to who He wants me to be. I have discovered quite a few things about myself throughout this transition to college, some good things, some bad.  And when I look back on last semester, I am convicted most strongly by the times I was unintentional, unloving, selfish, and discontent.  So, that's my goal, my resolution, my mission this upcoming year:

 

To be intentional in everything I do, say, and think. 

To love others even when it's hard.

To put other's needs above my own.

To be content even when life isn't going as planned. 

So there it is. I fully expect to fall on my face, but if along the way I grow closer to God and closer to who I am called to be, even just an inch, it will all be worth it and my goal will be met. I know I'm a little late, but Happy New Year, everyone! May God bless and keep you throughout twenty-fourteen and beyond. 

Love,
Emily

As Long as You Are Glorified

Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings yet not welcome any pain?

Shall I thank You for days of sunshine yet grumble in days of rain?

Shall I love You in times of plenty then leave You in days of drought?

Shall I trust when I reap a harvest, but when winter winds blow, then doubt?

O let Your will be done in me. In Your love I will abide.  

O I long for nothing else as long as You are glorified.

Are You good only when I prosper and true only when I'm filled?

Are You King only when I'm carefree and God only when I'm well?

You are good when I'm poor and needy.

You are true when I'm parched and dry.

You still reign in the deepest valley.

You're still God in the darkest night.

O let Your will be done in me. In Your love I will abide.  

O I long for nothing else as long as You are glorified.

So quiet my restless heart in You.

καὶ ἡμεῖς ἐγνώκαμεν καὶ πεπιστεύκαμεν τὴν ἀγάπην ἣν ἔχει ὁ θεὸς ἐν ἡμῖν. Ὁ θεὸς ἀγάπη ἐστίν, καὶ ὁ μένων ἐν τῇ ἀγάπῃ ἐν τῷ θεῷ μένει καὶ ὁ θεὸς ἐν αὐτῷμένει. 

"We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." - 1 John 4:16

To God be the glory in all things.

His Eye Is on the Sparrow

His Eye Is on the Sparrow is a beautiful hymn written by Civilla D. Martin and composed by Charles H. Gabriel.  This hymn was inspired by the scriptures, Matthew 6:26, 10:29-31, and a Christian couple, the Doolittle's.

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not worth much more than they? (Matthew 6:26)

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)

"Early in the spring of 1905, my husband and I were sojourning in Elmira, New York. We contracted a deep friendship for a couple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doolittle—true saints of God. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience."

- Civilla D. Martin 

These words have brought me much comfort during my transition to college.  I have been at Asbury for almost three months now and it has been 6 weeks since I last saw my family.  Needless to say, homesickness has crept its way into my heart.  I'm fine when I'm with friends or my mind is busy, so I try to avoid solitude, however, I am forced to spend 13 hours a week alone in a practice room.  I started bringing my piano book of hymns and I came across His Eye Is on the Sparrow.  I was familiar with the hymn, but I never really thought much about it.  One line that struck me the most is, "Why should my heart be lonely... when Jesus is my portion?"  Total dependence on God is something that I long for.  Growing up with such wonderful parents, I was given everything I could possibly need.  Now that I am away from them, I have to rely on Someone greater; Someone who is always with me (That is not to say my parents aren't still here for me, but it's different 8 hours away).  So through this hymn and the words of God, I have discovered the beauty in homesickness and I would like to share with you the reasons why I am thankful for homesickness.

#1 I am thankful for a home and a family that I love so much, my heart literally feels heavy when we are separated.  Many are not this fortunate. I'm thankful that I have something to miss.

#2 I am thankful that I am offered a deeper relationship with God through homesickness.  He is teaching me that He is my portion, my constant Friend, my Guardian, my Leader, my Provider, and that I can depend on His love and care.

Read over these words and let them fill you with the hope and joy of a Savior who cares about us and let yourself be fully dependent on Him.  It is through dependence/surrender that we are free. 

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,

When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,

I sing because I’m free,

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender words I hear,

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Peace and rest be with you all on this beautiful Sabbath. 

Love,

Emily

New Year's Resolutions

Twenty thirteen is nearing & I must say I'm rather terrified. This is going to be a big year. I graduate from high school in like five months. Then I will most likely proceed to go to college in August.

COLLEGE. 

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Needless to say, it's scary & I need to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. Here are my resolutions!

Physical Resolutions

• I'm joining the rest of the world and getting back into the gym. I plan to run a 5k with my sisters in the summer & I want to do it well. 
• First semester of college: DON'T GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. 

Mental Resolutions

• READ MORE. These are some books I would like to have read come 2014. 

• Try not to give in to senioritis and finish with a BANG! Don't just cover the material, allow the material to cover me ;)

Spiritual Resolutions

• We were discussing in Sunday School this morning about being a more intentional people and so I would like to make it a resolution to become more intentional; intentional about reading God's Word, studying it, praying, journaling and just taking time to spend with God everyday. It has been a goal of mine since freshman year to read the entire Bible. It's sad and frustrating that I have not completed it. My ultimate goal, though, has been to complete the Bible before I go away to college. In a way, that's been my excuse every year: "Well, I don't go to college for another year or two, so I have time to finish it." And now here I am, 8 months away from that big step!! No more procrastination, it's time to do it!

Emotional Resolutions

• Love, love, love, love, love & cherish each moment. 
• I am one of those fortunate enough to have a mama who does my laundry for me. So I figured I better start learning how to do laundry NOW to avoid future emotional breakdowns in college :) 
• This is not really an emotional resolution, but I'm terrible in the kitchen. (It's a known fact...) Therefore, I need to learn how to cook. It'd be a shame if I didn't take advantage of learning now while under my Mama's wing. <3

If I had to describe what I think 2013 is going to be like...

It would be something like this.

I'm excited & I hope you are too!

Have a Happy New Year!!!

I Have Decided to Follow Jesus

Hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far! I came down with a little cold last week, so that's why this recording is overdue. I picked a short, simple, hymn today. It is called, "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus." At first, it doesn't seem to have much depth. It is repetitive and rather straight-forward. But that's why I like it.

Take a listen and see what you think & don't forget my commentary is right below (This one is really worth reading, promise!)

I have decided to follow Jesus;

I have decided to follow Jesus;

I have decided to follow Jesus;

No turning back, no turning back.

Though I may wander, I still will follow;

Though I may wander, I still will follow;

Though I may wander, I still will follow;

No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me;

The world behind me, the cross before me;

The world behind me, the cross before me;

No turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow;

Though none go with me, still I will follow;

Though none go with me, still I will follow;

No turning back, no turning back.

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?

No turning back, no turning back.

In an attempt to search the seemingly nonexistent depths of this hymn and to find the beauty rooted within, I found the most incredible story that it originates from.* This hymn was formed by the lips of man from India. He and his family found the Lord and converted to Christianity in the mid-19th century when some Welsh missionaries came to share the message with the community. This, of course, was not acceptable in the Eastern Indian society.  The chief asked him to renounce his newly found faith or face execution and he replied, "I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back..." Enraged, the chief ordered an archer to shoot down his two sons. Then again, he asked him to renounce his faith or see his wife dealt the same fate. He just sang, "Though none go with me, still I will follow. No turning back, no turning back..." Then he watched his wife fall to the ground from an arrow. The chief gave him one more opportunity and he replied, "The world behind me, the cross before me. No turning back, no turning back..." Following after his family, this extraordinary man was killed. This right here, this story, this is why I am studying hymns. They have substance, they have beauty, they have history. Now when you sing those words over and over again, you have an entirely different mindset. It is also worth noting that because of this man's display of such great faith, the chief spontaneously confessed that he too belonged to Jesus and the entire tribe followed in his footsteps.  Because one man was willing to die for Jesus (as He did for us), an entire tribe accepted the Lord as their Savior. This story is just amazing. Something my youth leader said a long time ago has always stuck with me; we must decide each day to follow Jesus. Each morning when you wake up you have to make that choice. Am I going to live like a follower of Christ today? Make that decision and live accordingly. 

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep and being gone from 7am-9pm and yet it's midnight and I'm still typing. That should say something!! I really hope you took the time to read this and I hope it blesses you as it did me. Have a lovely rest of the week!

*The origin is actually indefinite concerning whether it was from an Indian missionary, an Indian prince, or just an ordinary Indian man. Each story is very similar, but I chose to share the one of the ordinary man. 

Day By Day

For my second hymn, I chose Day by Day! It's been over a week, so I didn't meet my goal, but this song was just so difficult for me!! I recorded it last week, but I wasn't satisfied with it, so I didn't get to finish it till today.  I'm still not thrilled with it, but I'm content. Hope you enjoy!

Day by day, and with each passing moment,

Strength I find, to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,

I've no cause for worry or for fear.

He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure

Gives unto each day what He deems best—

Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me

With a special mercy for each hour;

All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,

He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.

The protection of His child and treasure

Is a charge that on Himself He laid;

“As your days, your strength shall be in measure,”

This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation

So to trust Your promises, O Lord,

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation

Offered me within Your holy Word.

Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,

E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,

One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

Till I reach the promised land.

Day By Day (1865) was written by Karolina W. Sandell-Berg, the "Fanny Crosby of Sweden." Robert J. Morgan provides a little history about "Lina": She was born in Frvderyd on October 3rd, 1832, a pastor's daughter.  When she was twenty-six-years-old, her father drowned when the two of them were enjoying a boat ride. She found consolation in the Scriptures and expressed her faith in poetry. 

This song is a reminder that God is with us each day helping us through our trials. "I've no cause for worry or for fear." Lina knew hardship; she knew sorrow and grief but she believed in God's kindness and love. She believed that He gave each day what he deemed best which could bring us both pain and pleasure, both toil and peace. Even during the hardships, Lina had faith that God was in control and just as she accepted the pleasures of having a kind Savior, she accepted the pain and toils of life. 

God is present with us and so is His mercy. He protects us as a Father protects His child and what's beautiful about that is that He doesn't have to. And yet He does... He treasures us & keeps us safe. Lina quotes Deuteronomy 33:25 in the second verse. God promises that our strength will grow as the days go on.  So if you feel like giving up, remember that each day, you grow stronger.

In the third verse, Lina makes a plea to God. She acknowledges that as sinful humans, we often lose faith in the Word of God, if we think it is not being fulfilled. So she asks for help that she can trust Him and not lose "faith's sweet consolation." Our days here are earth are "fleeting" and soon we will reach the promised land where all our sorrows will be forgotten. 

Here's some scripture to end with:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

 The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" 

~ Psalm 27:1

"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

~ Nehemiah 8:10

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

~2 Corinthians 12:9

Be Still My Soul

For my first hymn I chose Be Still My Soul! I finished recording it today and I'm really excited about it! My piano teacher lent me this book called Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan. It's really cool! It has a wide selection of hymns and with each hymn he gives a little history on the song and so I will reference to it quite a bit throughout this series. And now without further ado, I present to you my very first cover!!! (Warning: It's rather long, but I couldn't cut out any of the verses! Be sure to read the lyrics.)

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Be Still My Soul was written in 1752 by Katharina von Schlegel of Germany to the tune of Jean Sibelius' song "Finlandia", which became one of Finland's most popular national songs. According to Robert J. Morgan, this hymn was widely sung during World War II. It was a huge comfort to the people during that terrible time and especially to the soldiers. This song renewed the spirit of so many who were in such a hopeless place in life. 

In verse 1, it reminds us to leave everything in God's hands. So many times we want to walk our own way, make decisions that are not according to God's plan, but we have to leave it to God. He will order and provide.  In other cases, we find ourselves wrapped up in a lot of changes; changes we don't necessarily like. And it says that He will remain faithful.  Just beyond the thorny patch is a plain field where we will find joy.  

The 2nd verse speaks volumes to me right now as I am trying to decide about my future. It's clear that God has been with me throughout my life and so I can believe, with full confidence, that He will guide me through my future. In the last part of the verse, Schlegel is referring back to Mark 4:35-41, the story of Jesus calming the storm. "They became very much afraid and said to one another, 'Who then is this, that even the wind and sea obey him?'" 

Verse 3 addresses loss. You can see why this song brought comfort to the soldiers of WWII.  Through our tears of loss, we come to know God's heart and love in a new light. It is when things are going bad that we rely on God the most.  We search Him for answers, for comfort, for relief of pain and sorrow & He soothes us. "Thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away." Even though He takes away, He gives us more of Himself. 

Verse 4 speaks of a better life.  A life where we will be reunited with the ones we have lost and we will have pure joy.  

And so in verse 5 we praise Him!! He is faithful to us always. He guides our past and our future.  He comforts us by giving of Himself.  And it is through Jesus that we can have eternity with our Lord and loved ones and truly be happy. So acknowledge Him in all your words and ways and praise Him! "Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."

Words like these renew ours spirits & minds.  It is important we allow them to cover us for in them we will find great peace and a greater understanding of our Lord. 

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)

Senior Year

It's hard to believe that I only have one more year of high school.  It's even harder to believe that I almost graduated early and threw away this precious year.  A year seems like such a long time, but I know it's going to fly by. So it's time for me to start asking myself seriously, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The easy answer is a wife and mother. But what about college? What should I do while I'm waiting on a husband?

Asbury University has been my dream school every since I can remember. My parents went there and so did three of my siblings. It was kind of like a second home. I know the campus, I know some people up there, and they have an excellent music program. It was a life changing place for each of my family members and I was eager to experience it. It wasn't till a few months ago that I started having doubts about it. I went to visit last September and it didn't feel like I thought it would.  Granted, I was having a terrible week, but still.  The apathetic and almost resenting attitudes that filled Chapel was discouraging. I've held Asbury in such high regards all my life and I looked forward to being in a place where everyone shared the same passion for Christ as I do. I'm just really scared of getting there and having all my expectations crash around me.

On the other hand, where else would I go? I've been looking at other colleges and possibly studying abroad, but I don't know those places. I know Asbury. Plus, I'm really interested in their Worship Arts major. It's just frustrating how sure you can be about something and then all of a sudden you're full of doubts and concerns. Decisions are just never easy.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

What amazing lyrics....

All I know is that I serve an Almighty God who cares about my decisions and will guide me if I just trust Him !
Blogging is so constructive.  I start out in a tizzy and by the end of it, I realize how ridiculous my worrying is and I'm reminded to just put my trust in God. It's good to be back in the blogging world :)

Burdened

I am very happy to announce that I have officially finished writing my first song!  It is a piano solo and it is titled “Burdened.”  It is far from perfect, perhaps even missing something, but I am satisfied.  I believe I started writing in back in the summer, but I got frustrated with it and quit.  I’d sit there, staring at the keys, waiting for some light bulb moment, but it wouldn’t come.   My goal in songwriting (a talent I don’t think I possess) is that every note, every sound reflects my heart and that is why I was extremely careful in planning out each note because they all have a purpose. 

I began writing this song with a heavy heart; a burdened heart.  I know that in each burden I bear, God has a purpose… only sometimes, it’s hard to remember that.  I also forget quite regularly that my God is mighty to save.  I am not mighty to save, HE is.  Unbelief is a struggle I face daily (as I’m sure most of us do).  After all, wouldn’t we all be on our knees if we truly believed He was present? In short, anxiety and doubts were getting the best of me that day and this song is the product of that.  Keep that in mind while you listen, but also listen for the hope in it.  Cool points to whoever knows what song the last few notes are ;)

Hope you like it!

If you’re curious, this is the image I had in my mind while writing the song.

Gazing out the window into a rainy night, my tears mirrored by the drops of rain. Filled with doubt and hopelessness, I do the only thing I can do; pray.  Every word spilling out in almost a robotic fashion.  Same prayer, same feelings of resentment…  Why would God have me carry these burdens so heavily and not help me?!  I need His Voice! And then…He speaks.  His Spirit gently guides me into a new way of thinking.  Maybe there is hope.  Can it be? My God is mighty to save…YES.

I return to my quiet prayer. Hope and belief have now taken the place of my resentment.  I am not alone.  He whispers back, “Beloved, I hear you. I will sustain you.” The burden is still present, but it is well with my soul for I believe HE is present.

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you."

- Psalm 55:22

The Season of Hope

Light of the world, Emmanuel. The Word of God has come to dwell.  Our only hope is in a child. Let God and sinners now be reconciled.

Glory, glory! We have our Savior! Glory, glory to our God! Peace on earth is born in a manger for love has come to us.  We have our Savior!

Joy to the earth! This newborn King has come to bear our sufferings; to break the curse that binds us here. The hope of our salvation drawing near!

The lame will walk! The blind will see! The captive heart will be set free! A Child has come to change the world forever! No more will sin or sorrow reign; A King has come to save the day! 

A light has dawned and darkness is over!

Glory, glory! We have our Savior! Glory, glory to our God! Peace on earth is born in a manger for love has come to us.  

We have our Savior!

This is a season of hope.  Treasure it.  Celebrate it.  Embrace it. 

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! :)

Symbols

What if the reflection in this photo is a symbol created by God to tell us that it is possible to reach what seems unreachable. 

Think about it.  The sun is sometimes seen as a symbol for the Son, Jesus Christ, right (sun/Son)? And in this picture, the sun is reflected in the water on the sand; on the ground where it is easily attainable.  Granted, it is a reflection so there's not really anything to "attain", but bear with me.  One of the most unique qualities about Christianity is that God humbled Himself.  He sent His Son (a part of Him) to earth to walk among us and ultimately to die on the cross for our sins.  What if God purposely created reflections like this to remind us that Jesus, the Son, came down to earth?  Jesus is the mediator between us and God.  Through Him we can have a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven.  How can you ignore the intimacy and power of this story?  So, this may have or may not have made sense, but I'm just thinking out loud so sorry, if I was confusing. This picture reminds me that God is not just far away up in Heaven looking down on me, but that He is with me, He walks with me,  and He is among all of us.

So that's my story and I'm sticking with it :) I like thinking symbolically.  It creates an entirely different world.  And as my Dad would say, we are meant to be a symbolized people.  Instead of apathetically viewing the world as its surface image, we should be uncovering God's purpose in all of His creation.  You never know what God might be trying to tell you through His creation even if by a mere reflection.

Hope you all have a restful Sunday!

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." - John 1:14

Hymns, Substance, Authenticity

Troubles almost ’whelm the soul; Griefs like billows o’er me roll; Tempters seek to lure astray; Storms obscure the light of day: But in Christ I can be bold, I've an anchor that shall hold.

My Dad brought up the word, "substance" in Sunday School the other day and asked the question: "What if the church is not producing the substance people are looking for?" (Something like that). Anyways, my mind automatically goes to music. For me, I would much rather be singing words like that ^ than singing the words "How great is our God" 50 billion times.  There are some wonderful contemporary Christian songs, but the substance of a hymn gives off a more realness to me.  I was disappointed to hear that Asbury doesn't sing hymns anymore (it used to be all they sang) and I can't help but compare my last two visits to Asbury.  Back when one of my siblings was graduating, we sang Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone. Everyone in Hughes was singing at the top of their lungs, harmonizing whether they knew how to or not and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  It was so real.  And last time I went, I missed that fullness, that authenticity.  The obvious difference is of course, at the graduating ceremony, a lot of the people there were alumni. So I'm curious as to whether that generation of Asburians know how to worship because they were surrounded by songs of substance whereas this generation may be lacking that substance and therefore not as excited to worship, maybe?  I don't know.  I just know that for me personally, my readiness to worship comes more naturally when I'm singing a hymn. 

Dark the stain that soiled man’s nature; long the distance that he fell; far removed from hope and heaven into deep despair and hell.  But there was a fountain opened, and the blood of God’s own Son, purifies the soul and reaches deeper than the stain has gone.

So those are just my musings for the day.  I still love contemporary christian music. I still love Asbury. I just wonder if we are ignorantly believing that this generation wants to hear the new stuff, when in fact they might be looking for more substance. If they are, shouldn't we give it to them?

Today was a Good Day

Yes, you heard me right: today was a good day!  Being productive makes me feel good. I woke up early and cleaned my bathroom.  Mom, my brother and I ran a few errands and I read The Consequences of Ideas and The Roar on the Other Side in the car to Mom.  I finished all of my Philosophy homework :) Poetry is still a work in progress, but I got a lot accomplished.  I had an assignment to go to the grocery store and study the fruits and vegetables.  It was really fun actually.  Poetry is my favorite subject.  Although, I’m definitely not a master poet, I enjoy trying to be poetic.  It is such a beautiful way to write/talk.  I look forward to learning more about it.  Tonight, I went to play bingo at a nursing home with my youth group.  It was so much fun!  They loooove them some Bingo, let me tell you!  It's intense!  Most of the night, I hung out with this one lady: she had difficulty reading the numbers, so I had to point to her which ones she could put a chip on.  She was as sweet as could be.  One time, I pointed to a number and she grabbed my arm and kissed it and told me how she hadn’t played Bingo in forever and how she was going to quit after this round.  Well, she played the entire night :)  I hope we go back soon.  The family was all together when I got home due to some out-of-town company.  So I enjoyed being with everyone and I did my Latin homework.  Now, I am exhausted, but I’m going to try to do a little more homework.  I’m getting really worried about getting it all done before Tuesday. 

Oh hey! I finally uploaded those pictures that you have been awaiting in anticipation :)

So, scary story:

I was wandering around outside when I came across this big guy.  First reaction is to scream. Second is "Dang, I need my camera!" Third, "Ooh, look at this ladybug." (Maybe I'm ADD afterall) I ran and got my camera and by the time I got back the spider had jumped down to the bottom of his web and was spinning what I am almost positive is that poor ladybug I saw a moment earlier.  It was fascinating, but horrifying at the same time.

This is his underside.  Check out that web.  Spider webs are spectacular. 

Zoomed out so you can really see how BIG he was.  Out here on the farm, we see some big spiders, but this one... he is like the macdaddy of all spiders.

Moving on to more pleasant thoughts, so I don't dream of humongous spiders eating me tonight...

Couldn't fit the whole quote, but isn't it pretty :) 

Hay bales (in this case, sloppy mounds of hay): one of my most favorite things about a farm.

Black&white version.

"What is that?" you may ask.  The answer is, a wooden, bench, swing; a place I find much peace. It is a great place to think, pray, acknowledge God's creation... As I was sitting there, I decided to take this picture because I liked how the screws looked. When I edited it, I added these words which are oh, so relevant. (Scroll down)

  I rest here deep in thought and prayer.  My heart is weary, Lord, I lay it down before you.  I hear a whisper in the wind, "Be still, and know that I am God," and it dries my tears.  I will sit here and wait, in awe of Your beauty and magnificent creation, worshipping you all the while. (My attempt at being poetic)...

This is from Wesley's Covenant Prayer.  I made a powerpoint of the whole thing for church, so I will post it on Sunday. It's beautiful. 

I totally just used blogging to procrastinate and now it is very late.  I'm off to bed! Goodnight and have a good Saturday!

Restoration While Keeping

“If you love Me, you will keep my commandments.” [John 14:15]

I’m finding out that keeping God’s commands is much harder than just doing them.  If you read “An Act of Love” you know what I am referring to.  Isn’t there a phrase like, “Set on fire for the Lord” or something?  Well, the truth of the matter is, when God speaks to me I get truly excited and encouraged.  It’s not too often I get a clear direction from God.  Ultimately, I want to do God’s will, I want to obey, so whenever He does give me a clear direction, I get this sort of “fire” inside me.  I’m doing a poor job of explaining this, but I think you understand what I mean.  The ups and downs you face when obeying and keeping God’s commands.  Right now, my “fire” is pretty dim; I just went over the peak of the rollercoaster and now I am speeding down, down, down. I did the initial obeying of God’s will, but now everyday I’m faced with more and more “tests” to see if I’ll keep.  Why do we start out so strong, but are so quick to weaken?  God has given me no reason whatsoever not to trust Him.  So why do I have all these doubts?  Why am I so quick to want to give up?

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” [Philippians 2:8]

If that doesn’t give good perspective, I don’t know what does.  JESUS CHRIST, the Son of God, died the most painful, humiliating, shameful death ever, on a cross, for us, all in obedience to God. If Jesus loved me enough to do that, then certainly I can handle this simple directive.  There is power in God's Word. Amen?

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” [Romans 8:28]

Also, this is not only an act of love to him, but to God.

“And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it.” [2 John 1:6]

Oh God, You are more than enough.  “When the shadows fall and the wrecking ball swings and tears me through the heart... Will you lead me? Beside the still waters? Where the oil, it runs over? And my cup overflows.  You restore my soul.” [Walk With Me by Caedmon’s Call]

I will keep.

Surrender Your Dreams

Lyrics from "Surrender" by Barlowgirl.

Surrender your dreams to God and let His plan unravel in your life. He will take care of you.

An Act of Love

When two people are in love, they feel as if they are on top of the world; like nothing is impossible.  Even the undeniably nerve-wracking future doesn't seem as daunting because you believe that together, you can handle anything.  I've found out that reality will find you sooner or later.  It'll jerk you down from Cloud Nine if you stay up there too long.  Personally, I was naive enough to believe that, together, we could conquer the infamous long distance relationship (DUN DUN DUNNNNN).  Our love would be strong enough to overcome any obstacles.  I can't help but laugh at myself now.  Who was I kidding? I knew what lay ahead if we went down that road: miscommunication, fights, jealousy, resentment, and we would slowly fall out of love. Oh, but it was so nice on Cloud Nine.  You can't blame me for at least hoping that this would be like any other fairytale: perfect.  But of course, reality hit me in the face... real, real hard.  I was forced to accept that it wouldn't be perfect; not in the slightest.  Just to be clear, I am in no way "anti-love" or even "anti-reality."  Let me explain why.  My first love, is going to college, 8 hours away, in just a matter of days...  We've been together for a year and it's been a wonderful year.  We talked about attempting long distance and taking it one step at a time, but deep down I knew it wouldn't work out.  So I prayed about it, and asked him to as well.  I was afraid that what I wanted would make God's direction unclear.  We all know we have selective hearing.  I knew what God was asking of me, but I wanted to deny it.  I wanted to erase it from my mind and say it was the devil messing with my emotions.  It was late one night, and this lay heavily on my mind.  I was listening to my ipod when the song, From The Inside Out (by Hillsong United), started to play.  I started singing along (as I usually do), but this time the words struck me in a way they never have before.  "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise... Lord, I give you control."  At that moment, my decision was made and as heart breaking a decision as it was, I had a strange peace.  The next night, we talked about it and he felt the same way.  I couldn't help but have a little hope that he would fight against it, that I had made the wrong decision... but we came to a mutual agreement.  We would spend out last month together, cherishing every moment, and when the time came we would say goodbye and go our separate ways.  Now, the easiest way to tell of the circumstance is, "we're breaking up."  But I really loathe that phrase and here's why.  This is not a normal break up.  This is an act of love.  We still love each other, but if I didn't let him go that would be the epitome of selfishness.  "Love is not self-serving..." (1 Corinthians 13:5)  So, you see, if we were to stay together, it wouldn't be love at all.  Allowing each other freedom and obeying God's will for the betterment of each other, is love.  "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:7)  This experience has completely redefined love for me. 1 Corinthians 13 is probably one of my most favorite passages because I am desperate to attain agape.  When I was arguing with God over the matter, I was telling Him, the Perfecter of love, that love is supposed to persevere!! It never fails!  But I was so foolish.  In this act is protection, trust, hope, and perseverance.   God is good.  He has plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future.  I just thought my plans were better :) It's been very difficult for me to submit.  I had everything planned how I wanted it and God gently reminded me, "My will, not yours." Now, I don't want to put anyone under the impression that, "God gave me a strange peace," and it's been a cake-walk since then.  No, no no... I'm still dealing with what every girl goes through when your heart gets broken.  Sure, circumstances are a little bit different, but the hurt and loss is still there.  I think that non-Christians sometimes become Christians merely because they hear all these inspirational stories and how God told me what I had to do so I did it and everything is going to work out, blah, blah, blah.   So, I would just like to say that, although this has been a very redefining experience in which I am given much hope, it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Life is hard, but God is good.

I shared this for a few reasons.  First, I really just needed to write all that out.  Second,  I hope that it encourages those who struggle with submission .  And third, I want people to know that this is not an ordinary break-up;

It is an act of love.

Prayer Box (Continued)

I figured out how to put my prayers into the box!!! Below is my first DIY tutorial, I'm super excited :)

How to Fold a Sticky Note into an Envelope (Letters to God):

Get a colorful sticky note and write your prayer to God on the STICKY side.

Fold it in half so writing is on the inside.

This part is a little tricky.  I can never do it evenly, but I think it gives it a little something ;)  Fold the top two corners in so they come together in the middle.

Then do the same to the other side.

Fold the top down.

Then tuck the bottom up underneath it. 

I like to write "Dear God" as the "address"  but you can do whatever you want. 

I write the date on the other side and I keep it closed by a small paperclip.  I tried using a sticker, but it didn't work as well.  Tell me if you have any other ideas.  I kind of like the paperclip though.  It's unique.

Then all you have to do is stick it into your prayer box, truly praying what you just wrote and "mail" it to God. 

Aren't they cute?

I probably shouldn't have done my first DIY tutorial at 1:30 in the morning, but hey! I was excited... I couldn't help it.  I'm not usually this creative.  I like the thought of them being letters and then when I drop it in the slot, it's like I'm sending it off.  I love it!  It's already helping :)  Now that you're awestruck at my amazing creativity and really inspired, go make a prayer box! <-- That was a joke by the way. :D  But seriously, make one; they're awesome.

P.S. The font I am using makes exclamation points look like "l"s, but I promise I'm not adding random "l"s everywhere, just exclamation points !!!  Goodnight :)