New Year's Resolutions

Twenty thirteen is nearing & I must say I'm rather terrified. This is going to be a big year. I graduate from high school in like five months. Then I will most likely proceed to go to college in August.

COLLEGE. 

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Needless to say, it's scary & I need to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. Here are my resolutions!

Physical Resolutions

• I'm joining the rest of the world and getting back into the gym. I plan to run a 5k with my sisters in the summer & I want to do it well. 
• First semester of college: DON'T GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. 

Mental Resolutions

• READ MORE. These are some books I would like to have read come 2014. 

• Try not to give in to senioritis and finish with a BANG! Don't just cover the material, allow the material to cover me ;)

Spiritual Resolutions

• We were discussing in Sunday School this morning about being a more intentional people and so I would like to make it a resolution to become more intentional; intentional about reading God's Word, studying it, praying, journaling and just taking time to spend with God everyday. It has been a goal of mine since freshman year to read the entire Bible. It's sad and frustrating that I have not completed it. My ultimate goal, though, has been to complete the Bible before I go away to college. In a way, that's been my excuse every year: "Well, I don't go to college for another year or two, so I have time to finish it." And now here I am, 8 months away from that big step!! No more procrastination, it's time to do it!

Emotional Resolutions

• Love, love, love, love, love & cherish each moment. 
• I am one of those fortunate enough to have a mama who does my laundry for me. So I figured I better start learning how to do laundry NOW to avoid future emotional breakdowns in college :) 
• This is not really an emotional resolution, but I'm terrible in the kitchen. (It's a known fact...) Therefore, I need to learn how to cook. It'd be a shame if I didn't take advantage of learning now while under my Mama's wing. <3

If I had to describe what I think 2013 is going to be like...

It would be something like this.

I'm excited & I hope you are too!

Have a Happy New Year!!!

Burdened

I am very happy to announce that I have officially finished writing my first song!  It is a piano solo and it is titled “Burdened.”  It is far from perfect, perhaps even missing something, but I am satisfied.  I believe I started writing in back in the summer, but I got frustrated with it and quit.  I’d sit there, staring at the keys, waiting for some light bulb moment, but it wouldn’t come.   My goal in songwriting (a talent I don’t think I possess) is that every note, every sound reflects my heart and that is why I was extremely careful in planning out each note because they all have a purpose. 

I began writing this song with a heavy heart; a burdened heart.  I know that in each burden I bear, God has a purpose… only sometimes, it’s hard to remember that.  I also forget quite regularly that my God is mighty to save.  I am not mighty to save, HE is.  Unbelief is a struggle I face daily (as I’m sure most of us do).  After all, wouldn’t we all be on our knees if we truly believed He was present? In short, anxiety and doubts were getting the best of me that day and this song is the product of that.  Keep that in mind while you listen, but also listen for the hope in it.  Cool points to whoever knows what song the last few notes are ;)

Hope you like it!

If you’re curious, this is the image I had in my mind while writing the song.

Gazing out the window into a rainy night, my tears mirrored by the drops of rain. Filled with doubt and hopelessness, I do the only thing I can do; pray.  Every word spilling out in almost a robotic fashion.  Same prayer, same feelings of resentment…  Why would God have me carry these burdens so heavily and not help me?!  I need His Voice! And then…He speaks.  His Spirit gently guides me into a new way of thinking.  Maybe there is hope.  Can it be? My God is mighty to save…YES.

I return to my quiet prayer. Hope and belief have now taken the place of my resentment.  I am not alone.  He whispers back, “Beloved, I hear you. I will sustain you.” The burden is still present, but it is well with my soul for I believe HE is present.

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you."

- Psalm 55:22

The Decision

I don't like decisions very much... especially ones that will affect the rest of my life. For the past three months I have been debating on graduating a year early (and either go to college, travel, or study music on my own) or continuing high school (in challenge 4).  I couldn't count how many times I have gone over the pros and cons in my head, how many times I've begged God to just tell me which I should do, or how many times I have somewhat decided in my head, but refused to say it out loud.  Quite a few times I have said something like, "Challenge 4 is going to be awesome" or "I need to apply to Asbury" and whoever is around me is like, "YOU MADE A DECISION?" Of course then I tell them to never take my decisive statements seriously because my decision could change the next day.  I've been preparing as if I am going to graduate so that I have the option. So I attended the graduation meeting... got measured for cap and gown... planned to sing a song at graduation... and then today was yearbook picture day.  I could have gotten both a junior picture and a senior picture and later told the yearbook editors which one to use, but instead, I did the first decisive thing.  I did NOT get a senior picture done.  Therefore, I am not graduating this year. I'm feeling somewhat excited, scared, disappointed, relieved, overwhelmed...

I know this much is true.  Holding hands with my Father, He will never leave me, He will show me the right way, and I can trust Him.

I can do this.