When two people are in love, they feel as if they are on top of the world; like nothing is impossible. Even the undeniably nerve-wracking future doesn't seem as daunting because you believe that together, you can handle anything. I've found out that reality will find you sooner or later. It'll jerk you down from Cloud Nine if you stay up there too long. Personally, I was naive enough to believe that, together, we could conquer the infamous
long distance relationship (DUN DUN DUNNNNN). Our love would be strong enough to overcome any obstacles. I can't help but laugh at myself now. Who was I kidding? I knew what lay ahead if we went down that road: miscommunication, fights, jealousy, resentment, and we would slowly fall out of love. Oh, but it was so nice on Cloud Nine. You can't blame me for at least hoping that this would be like any other fairytale: perfect. But of course, reality hit me in the face... real, real hard. I was forced to accept that it wouldn't be perfect; not in the slightest. Just to be clear, I am in no way "anti-love" or even "anti-reality." Let me explain why. My first love, is going to college, 8 hours away, in just a matter of days... We've been together for a year and it's been a wonderful year. We talked about attempting long distance and taking it one step at a time, but deep down I knew it wouldn't work out. So I prayed about it, and asked him to as well. I was afraid that what
I wanted would make God's direction unclear. We all know we have selective hearing. I knew what God was asking of me, but I wanted to deny it. I wanted to erase it from my mind and say it was the devil messing with my emotions. It was late one night, and this lay heavily on my mind. I was listening to my ipod when the song, From The Inside Out (by Hillsong United), started to play. I started singing along (as I usually do), but this time the words struck me in a way they never have before. "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise... Lord, I give you control." At that moment, my decision was made and as heart breaking a decision as it was, I had a strange peace. The next night, we talked about it and he felt the same way. I couldn't help but have a little hope that he would fight against it, that I had made the wrong decision... but we came to a mutual agreement. We would spend out last month together, cherishing every moment, and when the time came we would say goodbye and go our separate ways. Now, the easiest way to tell of the circumstance is, "we're breaking up." But I really loathe that phrase and here's why. This is not a normal break up. This is an act of love. We still love each other, but if I didn't let him go that would be the epitome of selfishness. "Love is not self-serving..." (1 Corinthians 13:5) So, you see, if we were to stay together, it wouldn't be love at all. Allowing each other freedom and obeying God's will for the betterment of each other, is love. "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:7) This experience has completely redefined love for me. 1 Corinthians 13 is probably one of my most favorite passages because I am desperate to attain agape. When I was arguing with God over the matter, I was telling Him, the Perfecter of love, that love is supposed to persevere!! It never fails! But I was so foolish. In this act
is protection, trust, hope, and perseverance. God is good. He has plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future. I just thought my plans were better :) It's been very difficult for me to submit. I had everything planned how I wanted it and God gently reminded me, "My will, not yours." Now, I don't want to put anyone under the impression that, "God gave me a strange peace," and it's been a cake-walk since then. No, no no... I'm still dealing with what every girl goes through when your heart gets broken. Sure, circumstances are a little bit different, but the hurt and loss is still there. I think that non-Christians sometimes become Christians merely because they hear all these inspirational stories and how God told me what I had to do so I did it and everything is going to work out, blah, blah, blah. So, I would just like to say that, although this has been a very redefining experience in which I am given much hope, it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Life is hard, but God is good.
I shared this for a few reasons. First, I really just needed to write all that out. Second, I hope that it encourages those who struggle with submission . And third, I want people to know that this is not an ordinary break-up;
It is an act of love.
