No Tongue Can Bid Me Thence Depart

I'd like to tell a story. It begins with a confession.  Simply put, 

I was mad at God. 

I went to WHAM (Worship Him at Midnight) one Friday night and I decided to spend most of the time writing in my journal and praying.  I had been feeling distant from God for quite sometime and I wasn't sure why.  I could feel something separating us, but I honestly had no idea what that "thing" was.  So, I was crying out to God, asking Him to show me, so I could get rid of it.  I desperately wanted to be "wholly Thine".  But He was quiet. I felt like I was crying out to an apathetic, silent God and I got really frustrated.  For the next few days, I feigned indifference, but I couldn't deny the weight of guilt that laid so heavily upon my shoulders.  A good friend of mine asked me to a prayer group.  He was so persistent, so I consented, despite my less than eager attitude.  I mocked myself because I felt like a ridiculously dramatic, snobby teenager who was mad at her Dad and decided to "punish" him by giving him the silent treatment ("You won't talk to me? Well, I didn't want to talk to you anyways. Take that!").  I knew how ridiculous I was being, but I didn't care.  I trudged all the way to Pastor Tim's (the prayer group) and once I got there, I spent most of the time journaling my frustrations, as I did at WHAM.  I had heard good, but weird things about Pastor Tim's so I was somewhat skeptical walking into it.  This guy who they call Pastor Tim prayed over everyone there, including myself. He asked me my name and then prayed for me and said things that seemed a little specific for him to just make up.  It was pretty strange and I wasn't sure what to think of it all.  He prayed mostly in "thank-you's":

• Thank you that Emily doesn't just want to know about you, she wants to know you personally.
• Thank you for the healing prayer ministry that she will one day lead.
• Thank you that you will speak to her through dreams and visions.
• Help her to not be so hard on herself.
• Thank you that she is a compassionate listener who wants to reach out to the broken.
• Thank you that her days of self-doubt are over.

There was more, but that was all that I remembered as I frantically wrote it all down when he finished. I was taken aback by the directness of his prayer and rather confused. The next day, I was still mulling things over, but I had sort of come to the conclusion that self-doubt was the problem.  That afternoon, I began playing and singing different praise songs in the practice room, a habit from last semester that I hadn't picked back up. When I sang Before the Throne of God Above by Selah, the words penetrated me (despite the number of times I had previously sung them) and my eyes were opened to the beautiful salvation of God.  He was speaking again and I was filled with joy. That night, I went to set up for a recital in Hughes, expecting there to be rehearsals going on, but there wasn't a single person in there.  I've always recognized that Hughes is a sacred place, but when I walked in there, I was overwhelmed by God's presence.  I sat in the balcony and just sat with the Lord until people showed up. It was glorious. The sun (Son) was pouring into the windows and was warming my soul.  The next morning, I went to chapel and I actually got there early, so I had time to sit and prepare for corporate worship.  The first song we sang was Before the Throne of God Above.  I couldn't stop smiling because God was so obviously speaking to me. He was assuring me of my salvation. I closed my eyes and worshiped Him and saw Him smiling down at me.  He was pouring His love into me and I have never felt so FULL in my life.  The rest of the music was perfect and the chapel speaker boldly preached the Gospel (which was very refreshing).  The rest of the day, I just wanted to run around telling everyone how GREAT God is and how DEEP His love is for us.  Later, I went into Hughes when it was empty again and I sat in the balcony singing hymns.  I'm so thankful for an intimate God.  He is not apathetic or distant, but He is with us. That's basically the end of my story, but I could literally go on for hours praising His name.

I started writing this post a few weeks ago on spring break, but then college happened again, so this post is a little dated.  Since then God has been showering blessing after blessing on me through new friendships and existing ones, an answered prayer--my amazing TAG partner, Leslie--, deep conversations, an uncontainable joy, true worship, and His love. The amount of times I've felt like the happiest person alive recently is pretty amazing. 

To conclude, here are the lyrics to Before the Throne of God Above. 

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Whoever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I am

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

Amen. Amen. Amen. I hope you understand the magnitude of His sacrifice and the depth of His love. :) "I've tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone." And now,

No tongue can bid me thence depart

My love to all,

Emily 

It's Happening, Isn't It?

"Ready or not, here I come," warned August 11th.  

I am in utter disbelief that summer is coming to an end in less than two weeks.  The clock ticks by too fast...  I have been supremely surprised by my floods of excitement and lack of anxiety.  I keep waiting for it to really hit and sink in. I guarantee you it's not going to be pretty when that happens. I have little moments when I think about my "last" Sunday at Shepchap, or my "last" piano lesson, or my "last" band/choir practice, but then I'll talk to someone from Asbury & I get excited again.  This is the week of all my "last"s and I don't know if I'm ready for them.  But it's happening, whether I'm ready or not. I am so lucky to have a home that I love and care for deeply.  Everyone complains about poor ol' Stanco, but it's honestly my favorite place in the world.  I like running into people I know everywhere I go. I like that our movie theater only costs $4.50 for a matinee.  I like how excited Stanco is when we get new things like a Cookout or a Sweet Frog.  I like that the ladies at Belk or Jcpenney have watched me grow up and now share in my excitement for college.  I like that Goodo's Putt Putt, just a shabby hole in the wall, has the best ice cream in the world.  I like that I consider the waiters at Mazatlan my friends. Most of all, I like that my family, friends, and church are in Stanco.  It's just the little things that make this town so special to me.  A promise that I made and fully intend to keep is that I will always love my ground. 

I have ten more days here and I am determined to make them count. I ask that you be in prayer for my family and I as I fear we will be displaying the ugly cry for all to see on campus next week.  I am full of anticipation for the days ahead, but dreading the never-pleasant "see you soon"s. Pray for comfort and easy transitions; I would greatly appreciate it.

It's really happening.

New Year's Resolutions

Twenty thirteen is nearing & I must say I'm rather terrified. This is going to be a big year. I graduate from high school in like five months. Then I will most likely proceed to go to college in August.

COLLEGE. 

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Needless to say, it's scary & I need to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. Here are my resolutions!

Physical Resolutions

• I'm joining the rest of the world and getting back into the gym. I plan to run a 5k with my sisters in the summer & I want to do it well. 
• First semester of college: DON'T GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. 

Mental Resolutions

• READ MORE. These are some books I would like to have read come 2014. 

• Try not to give in to senioritis and finish with a BANG! Don't just cover the material, allow the material to cover me ;)

Spiritual Resolutions

• We were discussing in Sunday School this morning about being a more intentional people and so I would like to make it a resolution to become more intentional; intentional about reading God's Word, studying it, praying, journaling and just taking time to spend with God everyday. It has been a goal of mine since freshman year to read the entire Bible. It's sad and frustrating that I have not completed it. My ultimate goal, though, has been to complete the Bible before I go away to college. In a way, that's been my excuse every year: "Well, I don't go to college for another year or two, so I have time to finish it." And now here I am, 8 months away from that big step!! No more procrastination, it's time to do it!

Emotional Resolutions

• Love, love, love, love, love & cherish each moment. 
• I am one of those fortunate enough to have a mama who does my laundry for me. So I figured I better start learning how to do laundry NOW to avoid future emotional breakdowns in college :) 
• This is not really an emotional resolution, but I'm terrible in the kitchen. (It's a known fact...) Therefore, I need to learn how to cook. It'd be a shame if I didn't take advantage of learning now while under my Mama's wing. <3

If I had to describe what I think 2013 is going to be like...

It would be something like this.

I'm excited & I hope you are too!

Have a Happy New Year!!!

Senior Year

It's hard to believe that I only have one more year of high school.  It's even harder to believe that I almost graduated early and threw away this precious year.  A year seems like such a long time, but I know it's going to fly by. So it's time for me to start asking myself seriously, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The easy answer is a wife and mother. But what about college? What should I do while I'm waiting on a husband?

Asbury University has been my dream school every since I can remember. My parents went there and so did three of my siblings. It was kind of like a second home. I know the campus, I know some people up there, and they have an excellent music program. It was a life changing place for each of my family members and I was eager to experience it. It wasn't till a few months ago that I started having doubts about it. I went to visit last September and it didn't feel like I thought it would.  Granted, I was having a terrible week, but still.  The apathetic and almost resenting attitudes that filled Chapel was discouraging. I've held Asbury in such high regards all my life and I looked forward to being in a place where everyone shared the same passion for Christ as I do. I'm just really scared of getting there and having all my expectations crash around me.

On the other hand, where else would I go? I've been looking at other colleges and possibly studying abroad, but I don't know those places. I know Asbury. Plus, I'm really interested in their Worship Arts major. It's just frustrating how sure you can be about something and then all of a sudden you're full of doubts and concerns. Decisions are just never easy.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

What amazing lyrics....

All I know is that I serve an Almighty God who cares about my decisions and will guide me if I just trust Him !
Blogging is so constructive.  I start out in a tizzy and by the end of it, I realize how ridiculous my worrying is and I'm reminded to just put my trust in God. It's good to be back in the blogging world :)

Hymns, Substance, Authenticity

Troubles almost ’whelm the soul; Griefs like billows o’er me roll; Tempters seek to lure astray; Storms obscure the light of day: But in Christ I can be bold, I've an anchor that shall hold.

My Dad brought up the word, "substance" in Sunday School the other day and asked the question: "What if the church is not producing the substance people are looking for?" (Something like that). Anyways, my mind automatically goes to music. For me, I would much rather be singing words like that ^ than singing the words "How great is our God" 50 billion times.  There are some wonderful contemporary Christian songs, but the substance of a hymn gives off a more realness to me.  I was disappointed to hear that Asbury doesn't sing hymns anymore (it used to be all they sang) and I can't help but compare my last two visits to Asbury.  Back when one of my siblings was graduating, we sang Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone. Everyone in Hughes was singing at the top of their lungs, harmonizing whether they knew how to or not and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  It was so real.  And last time I went, I missed that fullness, that authenticity.  The obvious difference is of course, at the graduating ceremony, a lot of the people there were alumni. So I'm curious as to whether that generation of Asburians know how to worship because they were surrounded by songs of substance whereas this generation may be lacking that substance and therefore not as excited to worship, maybe?  I don't know.  I just know that for me personally, my readiness to worship comes more naturally when I'm singing a hymn. 

Dark the stain that soiled man’s nature; long the distance that he fell; far removed from hope and heaven into deep despair and hell.  But there was a fountain opened, and the blood of God’s own Son, purifies the soul and reaches deeper than the stain has gone.

So those are just my musings for the day.  I still love contemporary christian music. I still love Asbury. I just wonder if we are ignorantly believing that this generation wants to hear the new stuff, when in fact they might be looking for more substance. If they are, shouldn't we give it to them?