No Tongue Can Bid Me Thence Depart

I'd like to tell a story. It begins with a confession.  Simply put, 

I was mad at God. 

I went to WHAM (Worship Him at Midnight) one Friday night and I decided to spend most of the time writing in my journal and praying.  I had been feeling distant from God for quite sometime and I wasn't sure why.  I could feel something separating us, but I honestly had no idea what that "thing" was.  So, I was crying out to God, asking Him to show me, so I could get rid of it.  I desperately wanted to be "wholly Thine".  But He was quiet. I felt like I was crying out to an apathetic, silent God and I got really frustrated.  For the next few days, I feigned indifference, but I couldn't deny the weight of guilt that laid so heavily upon my shoulders.  A good friend of mine asked me to a prayer group.  He was so persistent, so I consented, despite my less than eager attitude.  I mocked myself because I felt like a ridiculously dramatic, snobby teenager who was mad at her Dad and decided to "punish" him by giving him the silent treatment ("You won't talk to me? Well, I didn't want to talk to you anyways. Take that!").  I knew how ridiculous I was being, but I didn't care.  I trudged all the way to Pastor Tim's (the prayer group) and once I got there, I spent most of the time journaling my frustrations, as I did at WHAM.  I had heard good, but weird things about Pastor Tim's so I was somewhat skeptical walking into it.  This guy who they call Pastor Tim prayed over everyone there, including myself. He asked me my name and then prayed for me and said things that seemed a little specific for him to just make up.  It was pretty strange and I wasn't sure what to think of it all.  He prayed mostly in "thank-you's":

• Thank you that Emily doesn't just want to know about you, she wants to know you personally.
• Thank you for the healing prayer ministry that she will one day lead.
• Thank you that you will speak to her through dreams and visions.
• Help her to not be so hard on herself.
• Thank you that she is a compassionate listener who wants to reach out to the broken.
• Thank you that her days of self-doubt are over.

There was more, but that was all that I remembered as I frantically wrote it all down when he finished. I was taken aback by the directness of his prayer and rather confused. The next day, I was still mulling things over, but I had sort of come to the conclusion that self-doubt was the problem.  That afternoon, I began playing and singing different praise songs in the practice room, a habit from last semester that I hadn't picked back up. When I sang Before the Throne of God Above by Selah, the words penetrated me (despite the number of times I had previously sung them) and my eyes were opened to the beautiful salvation of God.  He was speaking again and I was filled with joy. That night, I went to set up for a recital in Hughes, expecting there to be rehearsals going on, but there wasn't a single person in there.  I've always recognized that Hughes is a sacred place, but when I walked in there, I was overwhelmed by God's presence.  I sat in the balcony and just sat with the Lord until people showed up. It was glorious. The sun (Son) was pouring into the windows and was warming my soul.  The next morning, I went to chapel and I actually got there early, so I had time to sit and prepare for corporate worship.  The first song we sang was Before the Throne of God Above.  I couldn't stop smiling because God was so obviously speaking to me. He was assuring me of my salvation. I closed my eyes and worshiped Him and saw Him smiling down at me.  He was pouring His love into me and I have never felt so FULL in my life.  The rest of the music was perfect and the chapel speaker boldly preached the Gospel (which was very refreshing).  The rest of the day, I just wanted to run around telling everyone how GREAT God is and how DEEP His love is for us.  Later, I went into Hughes when it was empty again and I sat in the balcony singing hymns.  I'm so thankful for an intimate God.  He is not apathetic or distant, but He is with us. That's basically the end of my story, but I could literally go on for hours praising His name.

I started writing this post a few weeks ago on spring break, but then college happened again, so this post is a little dated.  Since then God has been showering blessing after blessing on me through new friendships and existing ones, an answered prayer--my amazing TAG partner, Leslie--, deep conversations, an uncontainable joy, true worship, and His love. The amount of times I've felt like the happiest person alive recently is pretty amazing. 

To conclude, here are the lyrics to Before the Throne of God Above. 

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Whoever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I am

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

Amen. Amen. Amen. I hope you understand the magnitude of His sacrifice and the depth of His love. :) "I've tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone." And now,

No tongue can bid me thence depart

My love to all,

Emily 

Twenty-Fourteen

FOUR WORDS, FOUR CALLINGS: 

Intention * Love * Altruism * Contentment

As I approach my second semester of college, I am a bit overwhelmed.  I have a full course load (17 credit hours, 10 classes), training for a new job, a spiritual life and a social life to maintain, and 13 hours per week in the practice room. It's just dawning on me now how hard this semester is going to be and I know it will be even harder if I don't stay determined and intentional every second.  I didn't make a list of resolutions like I did last year...mostly because I didn't complete half of them! But I feel like God has placed these four words on my heart as a calling to who He wants me to be. I have discovered quite a few things about myself throughout this transition to college, some good things, some bad.  And when I look back on last semester, I am convicted most strongly by the times I was unintentional, unloving, selfish, and discontent.  So, that's my goal, my resolution, my mission this upcoming year:

 

To be intentional in everything I do, say, and think. 

To love others even when it's hard.

To put other's needs above my own.

To be content even when life isn't going as planned. 

So there it is. I fully expect to fall on my face, but if along the way I grow closer to God and closer to who I am called to be, even just an inch, it will all be worth it and my goal will be met. I know I'm a little late, but Happy New Year, everyone! May God bless and keep you throughout twenty-fourteen and beyond. 

Love,
Emily

New Year's Resolutions

Twenty thirteen is nearing & I must say I'm rather terrified. This is going to be a big year. I graduate from high school in like five months. Then I will most likely proceed to go to college in August.

COLLEGE. 

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Needless to say, it's scary & I need to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. Here are my resolutions!

Physical Resolutions

• I'm joining the rest of the world and getting back into the gym. I plan to run a 5k with my sisters in the summer & I want to do it well. 
• First semester of college: DON'T GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. 

Mental Resolutions

• READ MORE. These are some books I would like to have read come 2014. 

• Try not to give in to senioritis and finish with a BANG! Don't just cover the material, allow the material to cover me ;)

Spiritual Resolutions

• We were discussing in Sunday School this morning about being a more intentional people and so I would like to make it a resolution to become more intentional; intentional about reading God's Word, studying it, praying, journaling and just taking time to spend with God everyday. It has been a goal of mine since freshman year to read the entire Bible. It's sad and frustrating that I have not completed it. My ultimate goal, though, has been to complete the Bible before I go away to college. In a way, that's been my excuse every year: "Well, I don't go to college for another year or two, so I have time to finish it." And now here I am, 8 months away from that big step!! No more procrastination, it's time to do it!

Emotional Resolutions

• Love, love, love, love, love & cherish each moment. 
• I am one of those fortunate enough to have a mama who does my laundry for me. So I figured I better start learning how to do laundry NOW to avoid future emotional breakdowns in college :) 
• This is not really an emotional resolution, but I'm terrible in the kitchen. (It's a known fact...) Therefore, I need to learn how to cook. It'd be a shame if I didn't take advantage of learning now while under my Mama's wing. <3

If I had to describe what I think 2013 is going to be like...

It would be something like this.

I'm excited & I hope you are too!

Have a Happy New Year!!!

Day By Day

For my second hymn, I chose Day by Day! It's been over a week, so I didn't meet my goal, but this song was just so difficult for me!! I recorded it last week, but I wasn't satisfied with it, so I didn't get to finish it till today.  I'm still not thrilled with it, but I'm content. Hope you enjoy!

Day by day, and with each passing moment,

Strength I find, to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,

I've no cause for worry or for fear.

He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure

Gives unto each day what He deems best—

Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me

With a special mercy for each hour;

All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,

He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.

The protection of His child and treasure

Is a charge that on Himself He laid;

“As your days, your strength shall be in measure,”

This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation

So to trust Your promises, O Lord,

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation

Offered me within Your holy Word.

Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,

E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,

One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

Till I reach the promised land.

Day By Day (1865) was written by Karolina W. Sandell-Berg, the "Fanny Crosby of Sweden." Robert J. Morgan provides a little history about "Lina": She was born in Frvderyd on October 3rd, 1832, a pastor's daughter.  When she was twenty-six-years-old, her father drowned when the two of them were enjoying a boat ride. She found consolation in the Scriptures and expressed her faith in poetry. 

This song is a reminder that God is with us each day helping us through our trials. "I've no cause for worry or for fear." Lina knew hardship; she knew sorrow and grief but she believed in God's kindness and love. She believed that He gave each day what he deemed best which could bring us both pain and pleasure, both toil and peace. Even during the hardships, Lina had faith that God was in control and just as she accepted the pleasures of having a kind Savior, she accepted the pain and toils of life. 

God is present with us and so is His mercy. He protects us as a Father protects His child and what's beautiful about that is that He doesn't have to. And yet He does... He treasures us & keeps us safe. Lina quotes Deuteronomy 33:25 in the second verse. God promises that our strength will grow as the days go on.  So if you feel like giving up, remember that each day, you grow stronger.

In the third verse, Lina makes a plea to God. She acknowledges that as sinful humans, we often lose faith in the Word of God, if we think it is not being fulfilled. So she asks for help that she can trust Him and not lose "faith's sweet consolation." Our days here are earth are "fleeting" and soon we will reach the promised land where all our sorrows will be forgotten. 

Here's some scripture to end with:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

 The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" 

~ Psalm 27:1

"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

~ Nehemiah 8:10

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

~2 Corinthians 12:9

Be Still My Soul

For my first hymn I chose Be Still My Soul! I finished recording it today and I'm really excited about it! My piano teacher lent me this book called Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan. It's really cool! It has a wide selection of hymns and with each hymn he gives a little history on the song and so I will reference to it quite a bit throughout this series. And now without further ado, I present to you my very first cover!!! (Warning: It's rather long, but I couldn't cut out any of the verses! Be sure to read the lyrics.)

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Be Still My Soul was written in 1752 by Katharina von Schlegel of Germany to the tune of Jean Sibelius' song "Finlandia", which became one of Finland's most popular national songs. According to Robert J. Morgan, this hymn was widely sung during World War II. It was a huge comfort to the people during that terrible time and especially to the soldiers. This song renewed the spirit of so many who were in such a hopeless place in life. 

In verse 1, it reminds us to leave everything in God's hands. So many times we want to walk our own way, make decisions that are not according to God's plan, but we have to leave it to God. He will order and provide.  In other cases, we find ourselves wrapped up in a lot of changes; changes we don't necessarily like. And it says that He will remain faithful.  Just beyond the thorny patch is a plain field where we will find joy.  

The 2nd verse speaks volumes to me right now as I am trying to decide about my future. It's clear that God has been with me throughout my life and so I can believe, with full confidence, that He will guide me through my future. In the last part of the verse, Schlegel is referring back to Mark 4:35-41, the story of Jesus calming the storm. "They became very much afraid and said to one another, 'Who then is this, that even the wind and sea obey him?'" 

Verse 3 addresses loss. You can see why this song brought comfort to the soldiers of WWII.  Through our tears of loss, we come to know God's heart and love in a new light. It is when things are going bad that we rely on God the most.  We search Him for answers, for comfort, for relief of pain and sorrow & He soothes us. "Thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away." Even though He takes away, He gives us more of Himself. 

Verse 4 speaks of a better life.  A life where we will be reunited with the ones we have lost and we will have pure joy.  

And so in verse 5 we praise Him!! He is faithful to us always. He guides our past and our future.  He comforts us by giving of Himself.  And it is through Jesus that we can have eternity with our Lord and loved ones and truly be happy. So acknowledge Him in all your words and ways and praise Him! "Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."

Words like these renew ours spirits & minds.  It is important we allow them to cover us for in them we will find great peace and a greater understanding of our Lord. 

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)

Burdened

I am very happy to announce that I have officially finished writing my first song!  It is a piano solo and it is titled “Burdened.”  It is far from perfect, perhaps even missing something, but I am satisfied.  I believe I started writing in back in the summer, but I got frustrated with it and quit.  I’d sit there, staring at the keys, waiting for some light bulb moment, but it wouldn’t come.   My goal in songwriting (a talent I don’t think I possess) is that every note, every sound reflects my heart and that is why I was extremely careful in planning out each note because they all have a purpose. 

I began writing this song with a heavy heart; a burdened heart.  I know that in each burden I bear, God has a purpose… only sometimes, it’s hard to remember that.  I also forget quite regularly that my God is mighty to save.  I am not mighty to save, HE is.  Unbelief is a struggle I face daily (as I’m sure most of us do).  After all, wouldn’t we all be on our knees if we truly believed He was present? In short, anxiety and doubts were getting the best of me that day and this song is the product of that.  Keep that in mind while you listen, but also listen for the hope in it.  Cool points to whoever knows what song the last few notes are ;)

Hope you like it!

If you’re curious, this is the image I had in my mind while writing the song.

Gazing out the window into a rainy night, my tears mirrored by the drops of rain. Filled with doubt and hopelessness, I do the only thing I can do; pray.  Every word spilling out in almost a robotic fashion.  Same prayer, same feelings of resentment…  Why would God have me carry these burdens so heavily and not help me?!  I need His Voice! And then…He speaks.  His Spirit gently guides me into a new way of thinking.  Maybe there is hope.  Can it be? My God is mighty to save…YES.

I return to my quiet prayer. Hope and belief have now taken the place of my resentment.  I am not alone.  He whispers back, “Beloved, I hear you. I will sustain you.” The burden is still present, but it is well with my soul for I believe HE is present.

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you."

- Psalm 55:22

New Year...New Beginnings

There's always something exciting about a new year.  You feel as if you get a fresh start on life.  I've been thinking about my new year's resolution and what needs to change in my life...
I haven't seen other people's resolutions but I assume this is a pretty unoriginal one... but oh well.

• I will no longer be staying up to all hours of the night, I will go to bed between 10 and 12. 
• I will faithfully get up every morning to workout with  my workout partners. And on days, we don't workout, I will go to the Y by myself. 
• I will eat healthier. Small portions, less sweets.
• I will not procrastinate on my homework, putting myself through serious emotional stress and my mom as well. (If you know you me, you will laugh at this one because I've procrastinated my way through this entire semester. I didn't procrastinate as much in my other two years of high school, so that makes me think that things in my personal life have contributed to my lack of motivation and laziness... Anyways, it's going to change.)
• I will take the time, daily, to read and study God's Word, journal, and pray. (The goal is the read the Bible in One Year thing. I've started it like every year for the past 3 years and have yet to finish. I will finish the Bible before I go to college.)
• I will also take time, daily, to work on my music.  (Songs I have yet to finish writing, will be completed and recorded this year. Perhaps, I'll become a "youtube artist" and become famous ;)  
• This isn't really a resolution, but I want to travel this year. I want to go somewhere I've never been. Perhaps during the summer or sometime in the fall.  I just want to go.

Well, this is all I can think of for now.  Basically, I want to live out a GOOD routine.  I know some days aren't going to be perfect...life gets crazy and you can't live out this robotic routine, but I want to get to the point where I want to go to bed early, I want to get up early, I feel weird if don't workout...etc. That way, on a day where I do get to sleep in a little bit, or I do get to relax a little more I feel rewarded instead of lazy. If that makes any sense...

This is it. Time for a new beginning. There is so much hope in those two words.

"Another fresh new year is here... another year to live! To banish worry, doubt, and fear, to love and laugh and give! This bright new year is given me to live each day with zest... To daily grow and try to be my highest and my best! I have the opportunity once more to right some wrongs, to pray for peace, to plant a tree, and sing more joyful songs!"

I have the opportunity and I'm taking it. I hope you do too. Happy New Year :)

Symbols

What if the reflection in this photo is a symbol created by God to tell us that it is possible to reach what seems unreachable. 

Think about it.  The sun is sometimes seen as a symbol for the Son, Jesus Christ, right (sun/Son)? And in this picture, the sun is reflected in the water on the sand; on the ground where it is easily attainable.  Granted, it is a reflection so there's not really anything to "attain", but bear with me.  One of the most unique qualities about Christianity is that God humbled Himself.  He sent His Son (a part of Him) to earth to walk among us and ultimately to die on the cross for our sins.  What if God purposely created reflections like this to remind us that Jesus, the Son, came down to earth?  Jesus is the mediator between us and God.  Through Him we can have a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven.  How can you ignore the intimacy and power of this story?  So, this may have or may not have made sense, but I'm just thinking out loud so sorry, if I was confusing. This picture reminds me that God is not just far away up in Heaven looking down on me, but that He is with me, He walks with me,  and He is among all of us.

So that's my story and I'm sticking with it :) I like thinking symbolically.  It creates an entirely different world.  And as my Dad would say, we are meant to be a symbolized people.  Instead of apathetically viewing the world as its surface image, we should be uncovering God's purpose in all of His creation.  You never know what God might be trying to tell you through His creation even if by a mere reflection.

Hope you all have a restful Sunday!

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." - John 1:14

The Decision

I don't like decisions very much... especially ones that will affect the rest of my life. For the past three months I have been debating on graduating a year early (and either go to college, travel, or study music on my own) or continuing high school (in challenge 4).  I couldn't count how many times I have gone over the pros and cons in my head, how many times I've begged God to just tell me which I should do, or how many times I have somewhat decided in my head, but refused to say it out loud.  Quite a few times I have said something like, "Challenge 4 is going to be awesome" or "I need to apply to Asbury" and whoever is around me is like, "YOU MADE A DECISION?" Of course then I tell them to never take my decisive statements seriously because my decision could change the next day.  I've been preparing as if I am going to graduate so that I have the option. So I attended the graduation meeting... got measured for cap and gown... planned to sing a song at graduation... and then today was yearbook picture day.  I could have gotten both a junior picture and a senior picture and later told the yearbook editors which one to use, but instead, I did the first decisive thing.  I did NOT get a senior picture done.  Therefore, I am not graduating this year. I'm feeling somewhat excited, scared, disappointed, relieved, overwhelmed...

I know this much is true.  Holding hands with my Father, He will never leave me, He will show me the right way, and I can trust Him.

I can do this.

Ramble on Life

Why hello there :) It's been a while...

Warning: I wrote this while in extreme hyper stage.

In the ahhhhmazing month of October, I have celebrated my sweet sixteen, gotten my license, and a super duper cute hyundai elantra! As it is now November, school is crazy as ever but on the upside, only 25 more days of school! So as you can see, my life has undergone some awesomeness as of late and all is well. Today I did my first piano recording (it was an accompaniment for my Grandma) and now I am really inspired to record my very own CD with some covers! It would truly be the coolest thing ever to be a singer/songwriter/photographer/pianist. I must say this has turned out to be quite the ramble, but I hope you have enjoyed it nonetheless.

Favorite picture of the season:

My favorite swing :)

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Take a second to look at the beautiful, autumn trees. They're my favorite part about the fall :)