No Tongue Can Bid Me Thence Depart

I'd like to tell a story. It begins with a confession.  Simply put, 

I was mad at God. 

I went to WHAM (Worship Him at Midnight) one Friday night and I decided to spend most of the time writing in my journal and praying.  I had been feeling distant from God for quite sometime and I wasn't sure why.  I could feel something separating us, but I honestly had no idea what that "thing" was.  So, I was crying out to God, asking Him to show me, so I could get rid of it.  I desperately wanted to be "wholly Thine".  But He was quiet. I felt like I was crying out to an apathetic, silent God and I got really frustrated.  For the next few days, I feigned indifference, but I couldn't deny the weight of guilt that laid so heavily upon my shoulders.  A good friend of mine asked me to a prayer group.  He was so persistent, so I consented, despite my less than eager attitude.  I mocked myself because I felt like a ridiculously dramatic, snobby teenager who was mad at her Dad and decided to "punish" him by giving him the silent treatment ("You won't talk to me? Well, I didn't want to talk to you anyways. Take that!").  I knew how ridiculous I was being, but I didn't care.  I trudged all the way to Pastor Tim's (the prayer group) and once I got there, I spent most of the time journaling my frustrations, as I did at WHAM.  I had heard good, but weird things about Pastor Tim's so I was somewhat skeptical walking into it.  This guy who they call Pastor Tim prayed over everyone there, including myself. He asked me my name and then prayed for me and said things that seemed a little specific for him to just make up.  It was pretty strange and I wasn't sure what to think of it all.  He prayed mostly in "thank-you's":

• Thank you that Emily doesn't just want to know about you, she wants to know you personally.
• Thank you for the healing prayer ministry that she will one day lead.
• Thank you that you will speak to her through dreams and visions.
• Help her to not be so hard on herself.
• Thank you that she is a compassionate listener who wants to reach out to the broken.
• Thank you that her days of self-doubt are over.

There was more, but that was all that I remembered as I frantically wrote it all down when he finished. I was taken aback by the directness of his prayer and rather confused. The next day, I was still mulling things over, but I had sort of come to the conclusion that self-doubt was the problem.  That afternoon, I began playing and singing different praise songs in the practice room, a habit from last semester that I hadn't picked back up. When I sang Before the Throne of God Above by Selah, the words penetrated me (despite the number of times I had previously sung them) and my eyes were opened to the beautiful salvation of God.  He was speaking again and I was filled with joy. That night, I went to set up for a recital in Hughes, expecting there to be rehearsals going on, but there wasn't a single person in there.  I've always recognized that Hughes is a sacred place, but when I walked in there, I was overwhelmed by God's presence.  I sat in the balcony and just sat with the Lord until people showed up. It was glorious. The sun (Son) was pouring into the windows and was warming my soul.  The next morning, I went to chapel and I actually got there early, so I had time to sit and prepare for corporate worship.  The first song we sang was Before the Throne of God Above.  I couldn't stop smiling because God was so obviously speaking to me. He was assuring me of my salvation. I closed my eyes and worshiped Him and saw Him smiling down at me.  He was pouring His love into me and I have never felt so FULL in my life.  The rest of the music was perfect and the chapel speaker boldly preached the Gospel (which was very refreshing).  The rest of the day, I just wanted to run around telling everyone how GREAT God is and how DEEP His love is for us.  Later, I went into Hughes when it was empty again and I sat in the balcony singing hymns.  I'm so thankful for an intimate God.  He is not apathetic or distant, but He is with us. That's basically the end of my story, but I could literally go on for hours praising His name.

I started writing this post a few weeks ago on spring break, but then college happened again, so this post is a little dated.  Since then God has been showering blessing after blessing on me through new friendships and existing ones, an answered prayer--my amazing TAG partner, Leslie--, deep conversations, an uncontainable joy, true worship, and His love. The amount of times I've felt like the happiest person alive recently is pretty amazing. 

To conclude, here are the lyrics to Before the Throne of God Above. 

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Whoever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end to all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I am

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hid with Christ on high

With Christ my Savior and my God!

With Christ my Savior and my God!

Amen. Amen. Amen. I hope you understand the magnitude of His sacrifice and the depth of His love. :) "I've tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone." And now,

No tongue can bid me thence depart

My love to all,

Emily 

Twenty-Fourteen

FOUR WORDS, FOUR CALLINGS: 

Intention * Love * Altruism * Contentment

As I approach my second semester of college, I am a bit overwhelmed.  I have a full course load (17 credit hours, 10 classes), training for a new job, a spiritual life and a social life to maintain, and 13 hours per week in the practice room. It's just dawning on me now how hard this semester is going to be and I know it will be even harder if I don't stay determined and intentional every second.  I didn't make a list of resolutions like I did last year...mostly because I didn't complete half of them! But I feel like God has placed these four words on my heart as a calling to who He wants me to be. I have discovered quite a few things about myself throughout this transition to college, some good things, some bad.  And when I look back on last semester, I am convicted most strongly by the times I was unintentional, unloving, selfish, and discontent.  So, that's my goal, my resolution, my mission this upcoming year:

 

To be intentional in everything I do, say, and think. 

To love others even when it's hard.

To put other's needs above my own.

To be content even when life isn't going as planned. 

So there it is. I fully expect to fall on my face, but if along the way I grow closer to God and closer to who I am called to be, even just an inch, it will all be worth it and my goal will be met. I know I'm a little late, but Happy New Year, everyone! May God bless and keep you throughout twenty-fourteen and beyond. 

Love,
Emily

As Long as You Are Glorified

Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings yet not welcome any pain?

Shall I thank You for days of sunshine yet grumble in days of rain?

Shall I love You in times of plenty then leave You in days of drought?

Shall I trust when I reap a harvest, but when winter winds blow, then doubt?

O let Your will be done in me. In Your love I will abide.  

O I long for nothing else as long as You are glorified.

Are You good only when I prosper and true only when I'm filled?

Are You King only when I'm carefree and God only when I'm well?

You are good when I'm poor and needy.

You are true when I'm parched and dry.

You still reign in the deepest valley.

You're still God in the darkest night.

O let Your will be done in me. In Your love I will abide.  

O I long for nothing else as long as You are glorified.

So quiet my restless heart in You.

καὶ ἡμεῖς ἐγνώκαμεν καὶ πεπιστεύκαμεν τὴν ἀγάπην ἣν ἔχει ὁ θεὸς ἐν ἡμῖν. Ὁ θεὸς ἀγάπη ἐστίν, καὶ ὁ μένων ἐν τῇ ἀγάπῃ ἐν τῷ θεῷ μένει καὶ ὁ θεὸς ἐν αὐτῷμένει. 

"We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." - 1 John 4:16

To God be the glory in all things.

It's Happening, Isn't It?

"Ready or not, here I come," warned August 11th.  

I am in utter disbelief that summer is coming to an end in less than two weeks.  The clock ticks by too fast...  I have been supremely surprised by my floods of excitement and lack of anxiety.  I keep waiting for it to really hit and sink in. I guarantee you it's not going to be pretty when that happens. I have little moments when I think about my "last" Sunday at Shepchap, or my "last" piano lesson, or my "last" band/choir practice, but then I'll talk to someone from Asbury & I get excited again.  This is the week of all my "last"s and I don't know if I'm ready for them.  But it's happening, whether I'm ready or not. I am so lucky to have a home that I love and care for deeply.  Everyone complains about poor ol' Stanco, but it's honestly my favorite place in the world.  I like running into people I know everywhere I go. I like that our movie theater only costs $4.50 for a matinee.  I like how excited Stanco is when we get new things like a Cookout or a Sweet Frog.  I like that the ladies at Belk or Jcpenney have watched me grow up and now share in my excitement for college.  I like that Goodo's Putt Putt, just a shabby hole in the wall, has the best ice cream in the world.  I like that I consider the waiters at Mazatlan my friends. Most of all, I like that my family, friends, and church are in Stanco.  It's just the little things that make this town so special to me.  A promise that I made and fully intend to keep is that I will always love my ground. 

I have ten more days here and I am determined to make them count. I ask that you be in prayer for my family and I as I fear we will be displaying the ugly cry for all to see on campus next week.  I am full of anticipation for the days ahead, but dreading the never-pleasant "see you soon"s. Pray for comfort and easy transitions; I would greatly appreciate it.

It's really happening.

New Year's Resolutions

Twenty thirteen is nearing & I must say I'm rather terrified. This is going to be a big year. I graduate from high school in like five months. Then I will most likely proceed to go to college in August.

COLLEGE. 

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Needless to say, it's scary & I need to prepare myself physically, mentally, spiritually, & emotionally. Here are my resolutions!

Physical Resolutions

• I'm joining the rest of the world and getting back into the gym. I plan to run a 5k with my sisters in the summer & I want to do it well. 
• First semester of college: DON'T GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. 

Mental Resolutions

• READ MORE. These are some books I would like to have read come 2014. 

• Try not to give in to senioritis and finish with a BANG! Don't just cover the material, allow the material to cover me ;)

Spiritual Resolutions

• We were discussing in Sunday School this morning about being a more intentional people and so I would like to make it a resolution to become more intentional; intentional about reading God's Word, studying it, praying, journaling and just taking time to spend with God everyday. It has been a goal of mine since freshman year to read the entire Bible. It's sad and frustrating that I have not completed it. My ultimate goal, though, has been to complete the Bible before I go away to college. In a way, that's been my excuse every year: "Well, I don't go to college for another year or two, so I have time to finish it." And now here I am, 8 months away from that big step!! No more procrastination, it's time to do it!

Emotional Resolutions

• Love, love, love, love, love & cherish each moment. 
• I am one of those fortunate enough to have a mama who does my laundry for me. So I figured I better start learning how to do laundry NOW to avoid future emotional breakdowns in college :) 
• This is not really an emotional resolution, but I'm terrible in the kitchen. (It's a known fact...) Therefore, I need to learn how to cook. It'd be a shame if I didn't take advantage of learning now while under my Mama's wing. <3

If I had to describe what I think 2013 is going to be like...

It would be something like this.

I'm excited & I hope you are too!

Have a Happy New Year!!!

Be Still My Soul

For my first hymn I chose Be Still My Soul! I finished recording it today and I'm really excited about it! My piano teacher lent me this book called Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan. It's really cool! It has a wide selection of hymns and with each hymn he gives a little history on the song and so I will reference to it quite a bit throughout this series. And now without further ado, I present to you my very first cover!!! (Warning: It's rather long, but I couldn't cut out any of the verses! Be sure to read the lyrics.)

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Be Still My Soul was written in 1752 by Katharina von Schlegel of Germany to the tune of Jean Sibelius' song "Finlandia", which became one of Finland's most popular national songs. According to Robert J. Morgan, this hymn was widely sung during World War II. It was a huge comfort to the people during that terrible time and especially to the soldiers. This song renewed the spirit of so many who were in such a hopeless place in life. 

In verse 1, it reminds us to leave everything in God's hands. So many times we want to walk our own way, make decisions that are not according to God's plan, but we have to leave it to God. He will order and provide.  In other cases, we find ourselves wrapped up in a lot of changes; changes we don't necessarily like. And it says that He will remain faithful.  Just beyond the thorny patch is a plain field where we will find joy.  

The 2nd verse speaks volumes to me right now as I am trying to decide about my future. It's clear that God has been with me throughout my life and so I can believe, with full confidence, that He will guide me through my future. In the last part of the verse, Schlegel is referring back to Mark 4:35-41, the story of Jesus calming the storm. "They became very much afraid and said to one another, 'Who then is this, that even the wind and sea obey him?'" 

Verse 3 addresses loss. You can see why this song brought comfort to the soldiers of WWII.  Through our tears of loss, we come to know God's heart and love in a new light. It is when things are going bad that we rely on God the most.  We search Him for answers, for comfort, for relief of pain and sorrow & He soothes us. "Thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away." Even though He takes away, He gives us more of Himself. 

Verse 4 speaks of a better life.  A life where we will be reunited with the ones we have lost and we will have pure joy.  

And so in verse 5 we praise Him!! He is faithful to us always. He guides our past and our future.  He comforts us by giving of Himself.  And it is through Jesus that we can have eternity with our Lord and loved ones and truly be happy. So acknowledge Him in all your words and ways and praise Him! "Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine."

Words like these renew ours spirits & minds.  It is important we allow them to cover us for in them we will find great peace and a greater understanding of our Lord. 

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend :)

Restoration While Keeping

“If you love Me, you will keep my commandments.” [John 14:15]

I’m finding out that keeping God’s commands is much harder than just doing them.  If you read “An Act of Love” you know what I am referring to.  Isn’t there a phrase like, “Set on fire for the Lord” or something?  Well, the truth of the matter is, when God speaks to me I get truly excited and encouraged.  It’s not too often I get a clear direction from God.  Ultimately, I want to do God’s will, I want to obey, so whenever He does give me a clear direction, I get this sort of “fire” inside me.  I’m doing a poor job of explaining this, but I think you understand what I mean.  The ups and downs you face when obeying and keeping God’s commands.  Right now, my “fire” is pretty dim; I just went over the peak of the rollercoaster and now I am speeding down, down, down. I did the initial obeying of God’s will, but now everyday I’m faced with more and more “tests” to see if I’ll keep.  Why do we start out so strong, but are so quick to weaken?  God has given me no reason whatsoever not to trust Him.  So why do I have all these doubts?  Why am I so quick to want to give up?

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” [Philippians 2:8]

If that doesn’t give good perspective, I don’t know what does.  JESUS CHRIST, the Son of God, died the most painful, humiliating, shameful death ever, on a cross, for us, all in obedience to God. If Jesus loved me enough to do that, then certainly I can handle this simple directive.  There is power in God's Word. Amen?

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” [Romans 8:28]

Also, this is not only an act of love to him, but to God.

“And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it.” [2 John 1:6]

Oh God, You are more than enough.  “When the shadows fall and the wrecking ball swings and tears me through the heart... Will you lead me? Beside the still waters? Where the oil, it runs over? And my cup overflows.  You restore my soul.” [Walk With Me by Caedmon’s Call]

I will keep.

An Act of Love

When two people are in love, they feel as if they are on top of the world; like nothing is impossible.  Even the undeniably nerve-wracking future doesn't seem as daunting because you believe that together, you can handle anything.  I've found out that reality will find you sooner or later.  It'll jerk you down from Cloud Nine if you stay up there too long.  Personally, I was naive enough to believe that, together, we could conquer the infamous long distance relationship (DUN DUN DUNNNNN).  Our love would be strong enough to overcome any obstacles.  I can't help but laugh at myself now.  Who was I kidding? I knew what lay ahead if we went down that road: miscommunication, fights, jealousy, resentment, and we would slowly fall out of love. Oh, but it was so nice on Cloud Nine.  You can't blame me for at least hoping that this would be like any other fairytale: perfect.  But of course, reality hit me in the face... real, real hard.  I was forced to accept that it wouldn't be perfect; not in the slightest.  Just to be clear, I am in no way "anti-love" or even "anti-reality."  Let me explain why.  My first love, is going to college, 8 hours away, in just a matter of days...  We've been together for a year and it's been a wonderful year.  We talked about attempting long distance and taking it one step at a time, but deep down I knew it wouldn't work out.  So I prayed about it, and asked him to as well.  I was afraid that what I wanted would make God's direction unclear.  We all know we have selective hearing.  I knew what God was asking of me, but I wanted to deny it.  I wanted to erase it from my mind and say it was the devil messing with my emotions.  It was late one night, and this lay heavily on my mind.  I was listening to my ipod when the song, From The Inside Out (by Hillsong United), started to play.  I started singing along (as I usually do), but this time the words struck me in a way they never have before.  "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise... Lord, I give you control."  At that moment, my decision was made and as heart breaking a decision as it was, I had a strange peace.  The next night, we talked about it and he felt the same way.  I couldn't help but have a little hope that he would fight against it, that I had made the wrong decision... but we came to a mutual agreement.  We would spend out last month together, cherishing every moment, and when the time came we would say goodbye and go our separate ways.  Now, the easiest way to tell of the circumstance is, "we're breaking up."  But I really loathe that phrase and here's why.  This is not a normal break up.  This is an act of love.  We still love each other, but if I didn't let him go that would be the epitome of selfishness.  "Love is not self-serving..." (1 Corinthians 13:5)  So, you see, if we were to stay together, it wouldn't be love at all.  Allowing each other freedom and obeying God's will for the betterment of each other, is love.  "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:7)  This experience has completely redefined love for me. 1 Corinthians 13 is probably one of my most favorite passages because I am desperate to attain agape.  When I was arguing with God over the matter, I was telling Him, the Perfecter of love, that love is supposed to persevere!! It never fails!  But I was so foolish.  In this act is protection, trust, hope, and perseverance.   God is good.  He has plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future.  I just thought my plans were better :) It's been very difficult for me to submit.  I had everything planned how I wanted it and God gently reminded me, "My will, not yours." Now, I don't want to put anyone under the impression that, "God gave me a strange peace," and it's been a cake-walk since then.  No, no no... I'm still dealing with what every girl goes through when your heart gets broken.  Sure, circumstances are a little bit different, but the hurt and loss is still there.  I think that non-Christians sometimes become Christians merely because they hear all these inspirational stories and how God told me what I had to do so I did it and everything is going to work out, blah, blah, blah.   So, I would just like to say that, although this has been a very redefining experience in which I am given much hope, it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Life is hard, but God is good.

I shared this for a few reasons.  First, I really just needed to write all that out.  Second,  I hope that it encourages those who struggle with submission .  And third, I want people to know that this is not an ordinary break-up;

It is an act of love.

Chocolate

In my room, I have a "Love Wall."  On my love wall, I have made I love you signs for all of my friends and hung up ones they have made me.  Also, I've added song lyrics that I love and other miscellaneous things that I love.  Chocolate is one of them.  Although, ice cream is probably at the top of the list (as far as sweets are concerned), chocolate is right up there in the ranking.  Tonight, I ate some Hershey's chocolate and soon after, I was in an unusually, really happy/hyper mood.  Therefore, I decided to dedicate a blog post to chocolate and to all the happiness it brings.  Below is the sign I have on my wall.  I think the Bokeh adds a little something :) 

Chocolate is love.

"All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." ~ Charles M. Shulz

"Make a list of important things to do today. At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate.' Now, you'll get at least one thing done today." ~ Gina Hayes

"Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can." ~ Author Unknown

Thank you Hershey for spreading happiness everywhere. :)

I owe you one.

Vulnerability

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

~ C.S. Lewis