Surrender Your Dreams

Lyrics from "Surrender" by Barlowgirl.

Surrender your dreams to God and let His plan unravel in your life. He will take care of you.

An Act of Love

When two people are in love, they feel as if they are on top of the world; like nothing is impossible.  Even the undeniably nerve-wracking future doesn't seem as daunting because you believe that together, you can handle anything.  I've found out that reality will find you sooner or later.  It'll jerk you down from Cloud Nine if you stay up there too long.  Personally, I was naive enough to believe that, together, we could conquer the infamous long distance relationship (DUN DUN DUNNNNN).  Our love would be strong enough to overcome any obstacles.  I can't help but laugh at myself now.  Who was I kidding? I knew what lay ahead if we went down that road: miscommunication, fights, jealousy, resentment, and we would slowly fall out of love. Oh, but it was so nice on Cloud Nine.  You can't blame me for at least hoping that this would be like any other fairytale: perfect.  But of course, reality hit me in the face... real, real hard.  I was forced to accept that it wouldn't be perfect; not in the slightest.  Just to be clear, I am in no way "anti-love" or even "anti-reality."  Let me explain why.  My first love, is going to college, 8 hours away, in just a matter of days...  We've been together for a year and it's been a wonderful year.  We talked about attempting long distance and taking it one step at a time, but deep down I knew it wouldn't work out.  So I prayed about it, and asked him to as well.  I was afraid that what I wanted would make God's direction unclear.  We all know we have selective hearing.  I knew what God was asking of me, but I wanted to deny it.  I wanted to erase it from my mind and say it was the devil messing with my emotions.  It was late one night, and this lay heavily on my mind.  I was listening to my ipod when the song, From The Inside Out (by Hillsong United), started to play.  I started singing along (as I usually do), but this time the words struck me in a way they never have before.  "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise... Lord, I give you control."  At that moment, my decision was made and as heart breaking a decision as it was, I had a strange peace.  The next night, we talked about it and he felt the same way.  I couldn't help but have a little hope that he would fight against it, that I had made the wrong decision... but we came to a mutual agreement.  We would spend out last month together, cherishing every moment, and when the time came we would say goodbye and go our separate ways.  Now, the easiest way to tell of the circumstance is, "we're breaking up."  But I really loathe that phrase and here's why.  This is not a normal break up.  This is an act of love.  We still love each other, but if I didn't let him go that would be the epitome of selfishness.  "Love is not self-serving..." (1 Corinthians 13:5)  So, you see, if we were to stay together, it wouldn't be love at all.  Allowing each other freedom and obeying God's will for the betterment of each other, is love.  "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:7)  This experience has completely redefined love for me. 1 Corinthians 13 is probably one of my most favorite passages because I am desperate to attain agape.  When I was arguing with God over the matter, I was telling Him, the Perfecter of love, that love is supposed to persevere!! It never fails!  But I was so foolish.  In this act is protection, trust, hope, and perseverance.   God is good.  He has plans to prosper me, plans to give me hope and a future.  I just thought my plans were better :) It's been very difficult for me to submit.  I had everything planned how I wanted it and God gently reminded me, "My will, not yours." Now, I don't want to put anyone under the impression that, "God gave me a strange peace," and it's been a cake-walk since then.  No, no no... I'm still dealing with what every girl goes through when your heart gets broken.  Sure, circumstances are a little bit different, but the hurt and loss is still there.  I think that non-Christians sometimes become Christians merely because they hear all these inspirational stories and how God told me what I had to do so I did it and everything is going to work out, blah, blah, blah.   So, I would just like to say that, although this has been a very redefining experience in which I am given much hope, it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Life is hard, but God is good.

I shared this for a few reasons.  First, I really just needed to write all that out.  Second,  I hope that it encourages those who struggle with submission .  And third, I want people to know that this is not an ordinary break-up;

It is an act of love.

A Broken Heart

"How else but through a broken heart may Lord Christ enter in?"

~ Oscar Wilde

Your will above all else, my purpose remains.  The art of losing myself in bringing You praise.

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.  Never-ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. 

My heart and my soul, Lord, I give you control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord.  Let justice and praise become my embrace to love You from the inside out.

From The Inside Out - Hillsong United



Kevin Was Right

I would like to start this post by saying that God is good.  I spent the weekend at the beach with my youth group.  We stayed at a place called Myrtle Beach Christian Retreat.  Our first night there, a guy named Kevin went through an orientation with us.  One of the things he said was, "A lot of cool [spiritual] things have happened here."  I think it's safe to say that most of us were in immediate disbelief.  But boy, were we wrong.  The most amazing things happened this weekend and I'm still in awe at how God works.  We got there Friday afternoon and went straight to the beach.  After playing a little bit, we went and checked in to the retreat and hung out till dinner.  Afterwards we had orientation with Kevin and then we went to Broadway on the Beach!  We got ice cream, went on some rides, took lots of pictures, and walked A LOT.  The next day we stayed at the beach most of the day except for a couple of hours at the pool. That night we had communion and a foot washing service.  Ryan, our youth leader, has washed our feet once before and we all bawled, so naturally, as soon as the tub of water came out, tears started pouring.  God was present.  Ryan washed all of our feet and told each of us "If I do not serve you, I do not love you."  I personally have been struggling with submitting to God's Will.  But now, I feel that what God is asking me to do is a way of Him serving me.  He's guiding me so that I will have a better future.  Now that is love.  Ryan gave us a moment to pause and to speak if we wanted to.  I knew God was urging me to say the 3 things that were constantly popping up in my head, but I couldn't gather the courage.  Then Ryan asked if there was anything that was running through our head, over and over again.  At this point I just smiled.  It's like, "Alright, God.  I get it. You want me to say it."  So I did.  "Have Your way in me, Lord.  I am so unworthy.  Thy Will be done." Submitting to God's Will is not easy, but you have to remember that God's plan is better than yours.  His plan will prosper you and not harm you.  Though it's hard, I have a strange peace.  Throughout the rest of the night it was one answered prayer after the next.  My heart was overjoyed.  I couldn't stop saying thank You.  Our youth group set out on this trip for two main reasons.  One, to re-group with one another and God. Two, to have fun.  I am extremely happy to say that these two goals were accomplished.  Although we didn't believe Kevin, he was right:  cool things did happen.

Now it's time for pictures :)

Something I want to do one day.

Everytime I capture an animal or insect, I like to think they are posing for me :)

A friend of mine, Sarah, and I went walking around the retreat center to get some pictures (she also likes photography).  This is a handful of her favorite flowers.

Photography by Sarah.

Photography by Sarah.

Photography by Sarah.

I'm not sure what this is, but it looked cool.

There were a lot of dead jellyfish washed up on shore.

Dead things are pretty fascinating.

Photography by Sarah.  Catepillar bites :)

Flower leaf.

Another flower leaf.

Haha, this lighthouse was at Broadway and I edited it so there was nothing but black all around it.  But it needed something and thats when I spotted fireworks on Picnik.  So I had a little fun with this picture :)

Pretty lights!

"Can ye fathom the ocean, dark and deep, where the mighty waves and the grandeur sweep?" ~ Fanny Crosby

Swirly

I edited this one twice.

This is the original.

The ocean is breath-taking-ly beautiful.

At Broadway.

Sea shells!

Sarah drew this :)

I heart apples. haha

Some random guy made this drip castle.  I'd never heard of a drip castle before so Sarah and I made one.  Our's wasn't as cool as his though.

This is John's sand castle that he worked really hard on :)

Colors!

This one reminds me of a pearl.

A few of the youth went on that huge swing ride.  I thought it made a cool picture.

Awesome tree.

I love how the bark criss-crosses on the tree.

Sky

Feet in sand.  (Toes painted by Sarah haha)

Two things I would like to say.  If you have never danced in the rain wearing a dress or jumped into the ocean fully clothed, do it.  I did both of these this weekend and there's just something magical about it :)

Song of the weekend: I Hope You Dance ~ Lee Ann Womack
"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean."